[LAUGHING]
THEY GOT A LOTTA CRAP HERE, HUH?
NO KIDDING.
I THINK
I'M GONNA TRY TO SELL ALL MY JUNK.
YOU KNOW, MY CRAP IS WAY BETTER THAN THIS CRAP.
LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS, MAN.
WHY DO PEOPLE SAVE THEIR BOOKS,
LIKE...READ A BOOK TWICE?
THEY'RE PROBABLY JUST BRAGGING TO US, YOU KNOW?
THEY'RE LIKE, "OOH! LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS I'VE READ.
I'M SO CLEVER! I READ A LOT OF BOOKS AND STUFF!"
OH...CHECK IT OUT, MAN!
THEY GOT BONGOS!
YEP.
WE COULD PLAY EVIL WAYS IF WE HAD THESE.
YEAH, ACTUALLY, THAT WOULD BRING
THE ANDOPOLIS DRUM KIT TO AN EVEN 30 PIECES.
31 PIECES.
ALL RIGHT. I'M GONNA BUY THESE, MAN.
THIS GARAGE SALE RULES.
HEY, MAN, LISTEN, YOU GOTTA BE QUIET
FF AT ME.
WHY?
DID HE SEE YOUR REPORT CARD?
YEAH.
NO, I WAS PLAYING AMERICAN BAND
WHILE HE WAS WATCHING 60 MINUTES.
UM...
NICK...WHERE ARE YOUR DRUMS?
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISN. L.L.C.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
LIVIN' IN THE PAST, IT'S A NEW GENERATN
GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA
AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
WHAH! NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
ME, ME, ME, ME
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION
ND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE
I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE
AND I'M NEV GONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
NOT ME!
YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO GIVE MY DRUMS AWAY!
THOSE DRUMS WERE MAKING YOU GO DEAF.
OTHERWISE, YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD ALL THE TIMES
THAT I TRIED TO TELL YOU TO CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
YOU KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING.
FINE. WITH A LITTLE MORE EFFORT,
YOU COULD END UP LIVING IN A CARDBOARD BOX.
THOSE DRUMS WERE MY PERSONAL PROPERTY.
YOUR ONLY PERSONAL PROPERTY IS YOUR FUTURE.
MAYBE THE DRUMS ARE MY FUTURE!
WHY DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
END OF CONVERSATION.
YOU OWE ME MONEY.
EXCUSE ME?
THOSE WERE MY DRUMS,
I PAID FOR THEM, AND YOU SOLD THEM,
AND I WANT THE MONEY.
HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND ON DRUMS
AND HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND ON DRUGS?
GIVE ME MY MONEY!
END OF CONVERSATION.
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M OUTTA HERE,
AND I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY YOUR PEACE AND QUIET.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THESE CANS!
HE HATES THESE CANS!
THE JERK IS THE PERFECT MOVIE.
THERE ISN'T ONE SCENE IN IT THAT ISN'T HILARIOUS.
NOPE. CADDYSHACK'SBETTER.
WAY FUNNIER.
TED KNIGHT IS THE FUNNIEST.
OOH, BILLY, BILLY, BILLY.
OOH, BILLY, BILLY, BILLY! HUH?
NO, NO. THAT MOVIE IS SO UNEVEN.
I MEAN, YEAH, HALF OF IT RULES, BUT HALF OF IT SUCKS.
IT'S JUST LIKESTRIPES. YOU COULD NOT TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED
IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE MOVIE.
THEY GET REASSIGNED TO EUROPE TO WORK ON A TOP SECRET MISSION
CONCERNING THE URBAN ASSAULT VEHICLE.
THEN THE STUPID BORDER GUYS WOULDN'T LET THEM IN.
THAT'S WHEN, UM-- UM, SAM?
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
UH...
YEAH.
OVER HERE.
OH.
SAM, I JUST BROKE UP WITH TODD.
REALLY?
WOW.
UM...I'M SORRY.
DON'T BE! TODD'S A JERK.
HE'S ONLY INTERESTED IN ONE THING.
ALL THESE JOCKS ARE.
YEAH. YEAH.
SO ANYWAYS, I WAS WONDERING,
ARE YOU GONNA BE HOME TONIGHT?
YEAH.
GOOD.
'CAUSE I'M GONNA CALL YOU.
I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
OK. UH...
AND, YOU KNOW, ANY TIME. HA HA.
MY GOD!
IT'S HAPPENING!
YOU GUYS, WHERE'S MY CHAIR?
[GIGGLES]
SHALLOTS?
IT'S A POTATO.
THEY'RE SHALLOTS, RIGHT?
HEY, IS ANYBODY USING THIS CHAIR?
NO.
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
REALLY?
THAT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.
GRATEFUL DEAD.
MUSIC SUCKS. CHICKS ARE HOT!
YEAH.
DOES ANYBODY WANNA GIVE ME A NECK RUB?
HA HA! GOD, NICK!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SPENT THE NIGHT ON DANIEL'S FLOOR!
HIS CARPET IS, LIKE, INFESTED!
BETTER THAN SLEEPING IN MY MAVERICK.
KINDA. [CHUCKLES]
YOU GONNA GO HOME TONIGHT?
NO. NOT AS LONG AS THAT FASCIST IS THERE.
HEY, KEN, CAN I STAY AT YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT, MAN?
NO. MY DAD.
HE'LL HAVE A CONNIPTION FIT.
THANKS A LOT, MAN.
YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T EVEN LET MY GRANDMA STAY OVER.
HE'S GOT ISSUES.
WHATEVER, MAN. THANKS.
I'D INVITE YOU OVER AGAIN, NICK, BUT YOU BLEW IT.
YOU GOTTA REMEMBER TO FLUSH THE TOILET!
MY MOM ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK THIS MORNING.
OH! Nick: HE'S JUST JOKING.
I'M NOT JOKING!
CAN YOU NOT TALK ABOUT THIS NOW, PLEASE?
I HAD TO PLUNGE--
CAN YOU NOT TALK ABOUT THIS NOW, PLEASE?
DEFINITELY, I WANNA STAY AT YOUR PLACE. NO.
I--YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. NO THANKS.
HEY, LINDSAY, YOU THINK THAT MAYBE
I COULD, UH, STAY AT YOUR PLACE TONIGHT?
GOD, NICK, IF IT WERE UP TO ME...SURE, BUT...
COME ON, MY DAD? HE'S WAY WORSE THAN KEN'S DAD.
YEAH. NO, DON'T-- NO PROBLEM.
NICE TRY, THOUGH, NICK.
SHUT UP, MAN.
WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IS YOU SHOULD HAVE PRETENDED TO CRY.
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN IF YOU PRETENDED TO CRY.
DAD, GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON
WHY THERE CAN'T BE A WOMAN PRESIDENT.
IT'S CALLED 3 IRRATIONAL DAYS PER MONTH.
NOW, I WOULD HAVE NO ISSUE WITH THE OTHER 27,
BUT...WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE ATOMIC BOMB HERE!
OH, HAROLD!
DAD, THAT IS SO STUPID!
YOU KNOW, MEN GET PERIODS, TOO.
IT HAS TDO WITH YOUR BODY TIDES.
MY BODY DOES NOT HAVE A TIDE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
THOSE RELIGIOUS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN BOTHERING ME ALL DAY.
CAN'T A MAN FINISH HIS SUPPER
WITHOUT THOSE RELIGIOUS TYPES BOTHERING US?
HEY, UH, MR. WEIR.
IS LINDSAY HOME?
SHE'S EATING DINNER.
OH, YEAH. I CAN TELL.
GOD, IT SMELLS REALLY GREAT IN THERE.
LET ME GUESS. [SNIFFS]
MEAT?
CONGRATULATIONS.
HEY...NICK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU KNOW... JUST CAME BY TO SAY HEY.
I--I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU GUYS WERE GONNA BE EATING SO LATE.
YOU GUYS EAT LATE.
OH! HEY, NICK.
HEY, MRS. WEIR. BOY, I WAS JUST SAYING...
YOUR POT ROAST SMELLS AMAZING.
WELL, UH...WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US FOR DINNER?
WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF FOOD.
I MEAN, SURE,
IF--YEAH! THAT WOULD ROCK!
I HAVEN'T EATEN DINNER YET!
IS IT OK WITH YOU, MR. WEIR?
OH. YEAH. YEAH.
IT WOULD...ROCK.
Mrs. Weir: COME ON.
OH, WOW. THIS WORKED OUT WELL.
[MUFFLED] OH, MY GOD!
MRS. WEIR...
THIS POT ROAST IS UNBELIEVABLE!
YOU'RE EVEN A BETTER COOK THAN MY MOM.
OH, I'M SURE SHE DOES FINE. [GIGGLES]
YOU DON'T GET TO BE AS TALL AS YOU ARE
WITHOUT SOMEBODY DOING SOMETHING RIGHT NUTRITIONALLY.
HEY, UH, SO...
MR. WEIR...
YOU SELL SLEEPING BAGS, RIGHT?
YEAH. WHY, YOU GOING CAMPING?
NO.
I'VE JUST BEEN SPENDING A LOT OF MY TIME
SLEEPING ON PEOPLE'S FLOORS...
LATELY, SO, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I SHOULD PROBABLY GET A GOOD BAG.
WHY ON ETH ARE YOU SLEEPING ON PEOPLE'S FLOORS?
MY DAD KICKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.
HE DIDN'T KICK YOU OUT.
HE SOLD MY DRUMS.
THAT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE AN INVITATION TO STAY.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
HE DIDN'T JUST SELL YOUR DRUMS.
I MEAN, THE MAN MUST HAVE HAD A REASON.
YEAH. HE HAD A REALLY STUPID REASON.
HE SAID... THAT MY DRUMS
WERE INTERFERING WITH MY SCHOOLWORK.
I THINK MY SCHOOLWORK WAS INTERFERING WITH MY DRUMS.
TERRIBLE.
WHY DON'T YOU SPEND THE NIGHT OVER HERE?
ON THE COUCH.
WHAT?
REALLY?
YOU MEAN IT?
YEAH.
OH, MY GOSH.
MY GOSH. YOU GUYS E THE NICEST PEOPLE.
YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IS... SO NICE!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
OH! OH, MY GOSH.
OH...I
T'S LIKE YOU COOKED THIS IN HEAVEN...
THEN BROUGHT IT BACK DOWN HERE TO YOUR TABLE.
[GIGGLES] OH, STOP!
Girl: BILL!
BILL, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND.
IT'S ABOUT YESTERDAY.
THAT WASN'T ME. THAT WAS NEAL. HE JUST SAID IT WAS ME.
WHAT?
UH--NOTH--WHAT?
[GIGGLES] ANYWAY...
SAM AND I HAD THE GREATEST CONVERSATION YESTERDAY.
IT JUST...LASTED FOR HOURS!
LOOK, I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU WITH THIS,
BECAUSE WE'RE LAB PARTNERS.
I LIKE SAM.
ME, TOO.
[LAUGHS] NO, ILIKELIKE SAM.
OH.
OH!
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S LIKE I NEVER DATE NICE GUYS.
I SHOULD TRY IT. I MEAN, I THINK I DESERVE TO.
SO DO YOU THINK HE LIKES ME?
IT'S HARD TO TELL.
WELL, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FIND OUT FOR ME?
OK.
AND TELL HIM TO ASK ME TO MONA'S PARTY.
[BELL RINGS]
THERE HE IS.
THANKS.
Teacher: EVERYONE TAKE THEIR SEATS.
WE'VE GOT A BUSY CLASS AHEAD OF US.
BILL! PSST! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
CINDY WANTED ME TO FIND OUT IF YOU LI--
GENTLEMEN, CAN WE SAVE THE CHITCHAT
FOR THE CAFETERIA?
TODAY WE WILL BE HAVING A POP QUIZ.
[CLASS GROANS]
CINDY--
GENTLEMEN!
YES...MR. HAL?
ALL RIGHT, NICK. THIS IS WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
GET HER TO STAY UP WATCHING TV WITH YOU, RIGHT, UNTIL HER PARENTS GO TO SLEEP.
THEN YOU OFFER TO GIVE A BACK RUB.
YOU DO IT RIGHT... YOU'RE IN.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT, ALL RIGHT?
LINDSAY AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS, OK?
AND, ANYWAYS, I THINK IT'S REALLY COOL OF HER PARENTS
TO LET ME STAY AT THE HOUSE. THAT'S IT, ALL RIGHT?
OK, MAN. JUST FRIENDS. I DIDN'T REALIZE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, LOOK, I--
IF SHE CAME TO ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...
AND WAS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, "NICK, I LOVE YOU..."
I WOULDN'T TURN HER AWAY.
DID HE TRY TO GIVE YOU A BACK RUB?
NO.
WELL, HE WILL.
HE IF TRIES TO GIVE YOU A FOOT MASSAGE...RUN.
KIM, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
IT'S JUST TOO WEIRD HAVING HIM IN MY HOUSE!
YOU HAVE TO KICK HIM OUT, LINDSAY!
NO. I CAN'T DO THAT.
WELL...
THEN YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG NIGHT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
IT'S TRUE.
IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF A JOKE...
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO SET ME UP,
I'LL STOP BEING YOUR FRIEND. I'M NOT KIDDING.
IT'S TRUE!
SAM, YOU GOTTA ASK HER TO THAT PARTY!
I DON'T--I DON'T EVEN KNOW MONA!
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? IT'S WHAT CINDY WANTS!
I THINK SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
OH, MAN.
Neal: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU WANTED THIS FOR YEARS! BE A MAN! GO GET HER!
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT-- BUT WHAT?
I'M SCARED!
WELL, THEY'RE NOT.
I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING RIGHT NOW.
[DEEP VOICE] "UH, HEY, CINDY,
YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME TO MONA'S PARTY?"
[HIGH VOICE] "WELL, I WAS KIND OF HOPING
"THAT SAM WAS GONNA ASK ME,
"BUT SINCE HE DOESN'T SEEM INTERESTED,
OK, THOR."
OK, OK, SHUT UP.
I'M GONNA ASK HER.
HEY, CINDY? UM...
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
HEY, SAM.
YEAH, SURE.
HEY, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
OK, AFTER FRENCH CLASS?
YEAH. OK.
WHAT'S UP?
I WAS WONDERING...
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MONA'S PARTY WITH ME?
I'D LOVE TO.
REALLY?
REALLY.
IT'S HAPPENING.
THEY'RE SMILING.
GOING OUT WITHCINDY,
AND STOPS HANGING OUT WITH US?
HE WON'T.
HE'LL GET US IN WITH CINDY'S FRIENDS.
LIKE VICKY.
OH, MAN, I LOVE HER.
THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WERE POD PEOPLE?
A CULT, YOU SAID.
THEY ARE.
BUT THAT'S ONE CULT I WOULDN'T MIND JOINING.
BRING ON THE PODS.
UH, WELL I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
OK.
IT'S GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN.
YEAH.
CALL ME?
OK.
SEE YA!
IT'S ON.
[RUSH'STOM SAWYERPLAYS]
NICK.
IT'S QUIET HOUR.
AM I BEING TOO LOUD? I'M SORRY.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE DOING YOUR HOMEWORK?
ME?
UM, YEAH,
I MEAN, I WAS.
YOU WERE?
THEN MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO FINISH IT.
YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE MY DAD, MR. WEIR.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, THEN, YOUR DAD IS A SMART MAN.
I'M A DRUMMER, YOU KNOW,
SO, I MEAN, THIS IS MY HOMEWORK.
OH, COME ON, NICK.
THIS ISN'T HOMEWORK.
THIS IS SCREWING AROUND.
NOW, IF YOU'RE REALLY A DRUMMER,
YOUR HOMEWORK WOULD BE PRACTICING YOUR DRUMS.
WELL, I'D LIKE TO BE PRACTICING MY DRUMS,
YOU KNOW? BUT MY DAD GAVE THEM AWAY.
WELL, THEN YOU GO OUT AND YOU FIND 2 STICKS
AND YOU POUND ON A ROCK.
THAT'S WHAT A GUY WHO REALLY WANTED TO BE A DRUMMER
WOULD DO IF SOMEONE TOOK HIS DRUMS FROM HIM.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I WAS WORKING IN A DEPARTMENT STORE,
AND LEARNING ALL ABOUT RETAIL,
AND I STILL GOT STRAIGHT As.
NOW DON'T TELL ME YOU CAN'T FIND TIME
TO DO BOTH THINGS.
YOU CAN'T BE THAT EASY ON YOURSELF, NICK.
PUSH YOURSELF.
YOU'RE A SMART KID.
THAT'S REALLY, UM...
THAT'S REALLY COOL OF YOU TO SAY, MR. WEIR.
IT'S TRUE.
OH.
BY THE WAY, THAT DRUMMER YOU'RE LISTENING TO?
YEAH.
HE'S TERRIBLE.
THAT'S NEIL PEART.
HE'S THE GREATEST DRUMMER ALIVE.
WELL, NEIL PEART COULDN'T DRUM HIS WAY
OUT OF A PAPER BAG.
YOU WANT TO HEAR DRUMMING?
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
I'LL PLAY YOU DRUMMING.
[LOUD DRUMMING]
THAT GUY IS AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT HIM?
ARE YOU KIDDING? THESE GUYS?
I GREW UP WITH GENE KRUPA AND BUDDY RICH.
OH, GOD.
HOW DO THEY DO THAT?
THEY MUST HOLD THE STICKS LIKE THIS.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT.
YOU CAN GO FASTER THAT WAY.
OH!
GOD, HOW DO YOU LEARN TO DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THEY TOOK A LESSON?
OH, MY--THAT IS INSANE.
NOBODY CAN DO THAT.
MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE A LESSON, HUH?
HEY, LINDSAY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
HMM?
YEAH.
CINDY AND I ARE GOING TO THIS PARTY TOGETHER,
AND I THINK IT'S SORT OF LIKE A DATE.
REALLY?
YES.
SHE KISSED ME GOOD-BYE TODAY IN SCHOOL,
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I JUST STOOD THERE.
SHE KISSED YOU?
YEAH.
WHAT IF SHE WANTS
TO KISS ME AT THE PARTY FOR REAL?
YEAH?
WELL, WHAT IF I DO IT WRONG?
YOU CAN'T KISS WRONG.
YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHEN IT HAPPENS.
IT'S JUST THAT...
I'VE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND BEFORE.
JUST BE YOURSELF, SAM.
THAT'S
BE A GENTLEMAN
AND DON'T BE WEIRD
AND DON'T SMOTHER HER.
NICK WAS SO INTO ME,
HE MADE ME WANT TO MOVE TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY.
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYS]
OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T THINK NICK'S IN LOVE WITH YOU.
I THINK HE'S IN LOVE WITH MOM AND D.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS THE BEST FAMILY, EVER.
[WHISPERING] Who is it?
Hey, it's Nick.
D-D-Don't opI wanted to sa
that youare letting me I think it's rand your pstay here.
Go back to bed.
I really appreciate it.
You know?
I need you to know that.
know.
Please just don't OK, good night.
Good night.
NG
UNH!
OH.
HEY.
I WAS, UH, WORKING.
HEY, UM...
THOSE ARE, UH, NICE PAJAMAS.
THIS IS A WHOLE NEW WORLD.
I SEE DOUBLE-DATING
AND TRIPLE-DATING
AND CHEERLEADERS AT YOUR HOUSE
AND ME AT YOUR HOUSE.
CONGRATULATIONS, SAM.
I HEARD ABOUT YOUR GOOD FORTUNE.
THANKS.
SHE'S THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE THANKFUL.
YOU'RE A CATCH.
SO, CAN YOU GET BILL AND I INTO THIS PARTY?
I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
WELL, THINK ABOUT IT.
I DON'T--I DON'T WANT TO GO.
WHY NOT?
EVERYONE WANTSO GO TO A MAKE-OUT PARTY.
IT'S A MAKE-OUT PARTY?
UH-HUH.
NOBODY TOLD ME IT WAS A MAKE-OUT PARTY.
WELL, YOU BETTER GET READY TO MAKE OUT.
OTHERWISE SHE'S GONNA THINK YOU DON'T LIKE HER.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA FRENCH KISS CINDY,
ARE YOU, SAM?
FRENCH KISSINGI WOUL IS GROSS.
DN'T FRENCH KISS IN A MILLION YEARS.
AND WHY THE HELL NOT?
HELLO.
GERMS. SPIT. MUCUS. OLD BITS OF FOOD.
THAT'S JUST TO NAME A COUPLE.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS IN THERE.
I MEAN, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR TONGUE, ANYWAY?
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO KISS WITH YOUR LIPS?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT A REAL KISS
UNLESS YOU USE YOUR TONGUE.
WHY?
WHAT'S THE POINT?
I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?
LICK THE INSIDE OF HER MOUTH?
ARE
YOU SUPPOSED TO LICK HER TEETH?
DO YOU MAKE YOUR TONGUE HARD OR SOFT?
GOD, BILL. ENOUGH.
WHAT? I WANT TO KNOW NOW,
SINCE EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK
THAT FRENCH KISSING IS SO GREAT.
OK, BILL.
YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE
AGAINST HER TONGUE.
WHAT IF SHE PUTS HER TONGUE
TOO FAR INTO MY MOUTH? WH--
WHAT IF I THROW UP?
WHAT IF I THROW UP ALL OVER HER?
WHAT IF I THROW UP IN HER MOUTH?
UGH, SHUT UP, BILL!
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
SORRY.
WELL, I'M JUST TELLING YOU GUYS
I'M NOT DOING IT.
WELL, I AM,
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, CAN WE GO?
WELL, IF I TAKE YOU,
THEN I HAVE TO TAKE GORDON AND HARRIS.
GUYS, I CAN'T MAKE IT.
I'M SAVING MY VIRGINITY
FOR THE FUTURE MRS. CRISP.
NAH, I HAVE A DATE WITH JUDITH.
EVERY NIGHT'S A MAKE-OUT PARTY WITH US.
YES.
WHOOPIE.
ALL THESE MAKE-OUT PARTIES START THE SAME WAY--
SPIN THE BOTTLE.
THAT'S WHY THIS BOTTLE IS THE KEY TO OUR MAKE-OUT FUTURE.
HE SPIN
WILL DETERMINE WHETHER WE HAVE A GOOD NIGHT OR A GREAT NIGHT.
YOU CAN'T CONTROL A BOTTLE, NEAL.
OH, CAN'T I? JUST WATCH.
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING ALL WEEK.
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
IT'S ALL FINGER CONTROL.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TRAIN YOURSELF
TO MAKE THE BOTTLE SPIN 2 REVOLUTIONS,
THEN YOU ADD OR SUBTRACT A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF TORQUE
BASED ON THE POSITION OF YOUR TARGET.
THAT'S AMAZING!
ALL I CAN SAY IS... HELLO, LADIES!
WHAT?
WHAT IF...THEY DON'T WANNA KISS US?
THAT'S THE GENIUS PART OF THE GAME. THEY HAVE TO!
I DON'T KNOW. I JUST...I JUST
DON'T WANNA SEE THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR FACE
WHEN THEY SEE THAT THE BOTTLE LANDS ON ME.
BILL, WHO CARES IF THEY LOOK DISAPPOINTED?
ALL I CARE ABOUT IS IF THEY LOOK DISAPPOINTED AFTER THE KISS.
BUT I KNOW THEY WON'T WITH ME,
BECAUSE I PLAN ON DELIVERING THE GOODS.
DO PEOPLE FREN THE BOTTLE?
SOME DO.
MOST DON'T.
I DO.
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
I T
HINK I'M GOIN' TO KATMANDU
THAT'S REALLY, REALLY WHERE I'M GOIN' TO
IF I EVER GET OUTTA HERE
THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO
K-K-K-KATMANDU
I THINK IT'S REALLY WHERE I'M GOIN' TO
IF I EVER GET OUTTA HERE
I'M GOIN' TO KATMANDU
I GOT NO KICK AGAINST THE WEST COAST
WARNER BROTHERS ARE SUCH GOOD HOSTS
I RAISE MY WHISKEY GLASS AND GIVE 'EM A TOAST
I'M SURE THEY KNOW IT'S TRUE
HERE WE GO.
EVE
RY TIME I BEEN THERE, IT'S BEEN GREAT
BUT NOW I'M LEAVIN', AND I CAN'T BE LATE
AND TO MYSELF BE TRUE
YOUR TURTLENECK. TAKE OFFTHAT'S MY LOOK.
I CAN'T. I'M NOT WEARING ANYTHING UNDERNEATH.
BESIDES, I HAPPEN TO LOOK COOL IN A TURTLENECK.
SO DO I! EVERYONE LOOKS COOL IN TURTLENECKS.
THAT'S THE POINT! WE CAN'T BOTH WEAR THEM.
WE'LL LOOK LIKE THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS.
TSH.
I'M NOT GOIN' IN TOPLESS.
FINE. I'LL TAKE MINE OFF.
NICE DICKEY!
SHUT UP.
GUYS, GUYS, OK...
BE COOL.
YOU BE COOL.
JUST--JUST DON'T EMBARRASS ME, OK?
WHAT? NOW THAT YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH CINDY,
YOU'RE ASHAMED OF US? DON'T EMBARRASSME.
FINE. BE THAT WAY. I DON'T CARE.
[NEAL MIMICKING]
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, SAM.
YOU, UM... YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
SO DO YOU, CINDY.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
ANKS, SAM. YOU'RE SWEET.
COME ON.
ARE YOU GOING IN?
DON'T RUSH ME.
ARE YOU OK?
YOU REMEMBER THAT SCENE AT THE BEGINNING OFANIMAL HOUSE
WHERE FLOUNDER WANTS TO GET INTO THE FRATERNITY,
BUT THEY DON'T THINK HE'S COOL,
SO THEY PUT HIM IN THAT ROOM
WITH THE BLIND GUY AND THE INDIAN GUY?
ABOUT TO BE SENT IKE WE'REINTO THAT ROOM.
BLIND GUYS ARE COOL.
THEY HAVE SUPERSONIC HEARING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S MINGLE.
SO, DID YOU KIDS HAVE A GOOD DAY TODAY?
UH...
I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS OK.
I HAD, LIKE, THE BEST DAY, MRS. WEIR.
I TOOK MY FIRST DRUM LESSON EVER.
OH, WOW.
A DRUM LESSON?
YEAH.
HEY, HOW'D THAT GO, NICK?
IT WENT SO WELL, MR. WEIR.
THE DRUM TEACHER, TERRY BREEZE,
HE'S, LIKE, THE COOLEST GUY.
HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO HOLD THE DRUMSTICKS JAZZ STYLE,
LIKE THIS.
PARADIDDLE, PARADIDDLE, PARADIDDLE.
GOOD.
NICK, WHERE DID YOU GET MONEY
TO TAKE DRUM LESSONS?
UM, YOUR DAD.
YEAH. NICK'SONNA WORK PART-TIME AS A STOCK BOY AT MY STORE
TO PAY FOR HIS LESSONS.
Jean: LESSONS. GOOD FOR YOU.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL GET THE HAM, AND WE'LL EAT.
LET ME HELP YOU, MRS. WEIR, 'CAUSE HAMS CAN BE HEAVY.
JEEZ. DAD, THAT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I JUST MEAN
AT YOU'RE PLAYING RECORDS FOR NICK
AND GIVING HIM DRUM LESSONS
AND LETTING HIM STAY AT THE HOUSE.
THAT'S...
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
WELL, I'M TRYING TO HELP THE KID OUT.
WHAT, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO?
NO, I'M JUST WONDERING WHY,
WHEN NICK HAS A PROBLEM,
YOU'RE NICE AND LOGICAL.
WHEN I DO, YOU JUST YELL AT ME.
THAT'S BECAUSE I EXPECT MORE FROM YOU.
NICK'S FATHER IS A HARD MAN.
MY OLD MAN WAS THE SAME WAY.
YEAH, I KNOW THE FEELING.
LINDSAY?
TRUST ME, YOU DON'T.
NOW, ANYTIME YOU WANNA DANCE WITH ME TO GENE KRUPA,
I'LL BE AROUND.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, WHY DOES THE BOTTLE KEEP LANDING ON ME?
HEY, HOW COME THE BOTTLE NEVER LANDS ON ME?
Girl: OK. WHOSE SPIN?
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S 3 TIMES.
NOW IT'S 7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN.
Boy: HEY, I'LL GIVE YOU 8 1/2.
Girl: ALL RIGHT, CINDY. YOUR SPIN.
OH, YES!
SAM, I'M SORRY.
YEAH, SORRY, SAM.
COME ON, CINDY.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
YES?
HELLO. I'M NICK'S FATHER.
OH. WELL, I'M HAROLD WEIR.
IT'S A PLEASURE MEET YOU, SIR.
COME ON IN.
NICK, IT'S TIME TO COME HOME.
OK.
COULD I TALK TO YOU IN THE KITCHEN FOR A MINUTE?
SURE.
LOOK, I APPRECIATE YOUR LETTING NICK STAY HERE.
OH, IT WAS OUR PLEASURE.
THAT'S QUITE A KID YOU'VE GOT THERE.
YEAH.
SO, UH...
YOU GAVE HIS DRUMS AWAY, HUH?
I GUESS THEY MAY BE PRETTY DISTRACTING.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
EH, THINGS KIDS WILL GET INTO.
WHEN I WAS A KID,
I WAS ALWAYS BRINGING DOGS HOME.
UH-HUH.
WELL,
TEENAGERS WILL TRY ALL SORTS OF THINGS.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LET 'EM BE KIDS.
HAROLD, HOW OLD IS YOUR SON?
14.
YOU CALL ME WHEN HE TURNS 16.
HELLO THERE.
GREAT. 2 MORE GUYS.
OH, GOD.
I LAY MY HEAD ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS
I'M WAITIN' FOR THE DOUBLE "E"...
IT'S KIND OF ON ME A LITTLE.
NO, IT'S NOT.
POOR, POOR, PITIFUL ME
OH, OF COURSE.
POOR, POOR, PITIFUL ME
THANKS.
THESE YOUNG GIRLS WON'T LET ME BE
LORD, HAVE MERCY ON ME
WOE IS ME
WHOO!
OK, BECKY.
OH, MY GOD.
JUST...QUICKLY. COME ON.
ON THE CHEEK.
OH! GOD!
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
THERE IS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT BOTTLE.
IT KEEPS LANDING ON YOU, BILL.
SWITCH WITH HER.
Bill: WHAT?
OK.
OH, WOE IS ME
OK. I'M SPINNING AGAIN.
NO!
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, JUST KISS HIM AND GET IT OVER WITH.
Girl: OK, VICKI.
YOUR TURN.
SHE TOOK ME BACK TO THE HYATT HOUSE
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT
HEY!
THAT'S 3.
VICKI AND BILL ARE GOIN' IN
FOR 7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN.
Kids: VICKI AND BILL
SHUT UP, YOU GUYS!
SITTIN' IN A TREE
COME O
N. LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.
HUH! NEVER MIND
UNBELIEVLE.
WHOO-HOO!
CLOSE THE DOOR.
POOR, POOR, PITIFUL ME
WELL, UH, THANKS AGAIN.
I HOPE HE WASN'T TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
OH, NO. HE WASN'T ANY TROUBLE AT ALL.
I'LL BE OUT IN THE CAR.
OK.
GOOD NIGHT.
YOU GUYS SURE YOU DON'T WANNA ADOPT ME?
YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA BE OK?
YEAH.
I MEAN, HE CAME LOOKING FOR ME, RIGHT?
DIDN'T REALLY THINK THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
HEY, STOP BY ANY TIME.
Nick: I WILL.
I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL.
YEAH. I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL.
UM, YOU KNOW, I JUST... THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Jean: GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
I'M REALLY GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT TONIGHT, SAM.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
CINDY, DO YOU WANNA...
GO IN ONE OF THESE ROOMS AND TALK OR SOMETHING?
OK.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, OK?
LS GOOD.
JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME, OK?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TOUCH ME,
AND YOU ARE DEFI IT?
YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE A JERK.
YOU'RE A JERWAS JUST TRYINGTO MAK
I COULDN'T BE LESS HAPPY YOU'RE A JERWAS JUST TRYINGTO MAKTO BE IN HERE WITH YOU,
SO QUIT ACTING LIKE I'M HOPING I CAN KISS YOU.
IT'S ACTUAWANT TO DO RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT,OK? THAT WASN'T NICE OF ME.
3 MINUTES AND 26-- 26 SECONDS LEFT...IN HEAVEN.
WELL, HERE WE ARE.
YEAH.
HERE WE ARE.
[TURNS RADIO ON]
WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC.
YOU--UH--
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESON?
WHAT?
PRETTY?
I DON'T KNOW.
KE, THIS ISTHE ONLY WAY
THAT I'VE EVER LOOKED.
R
'CAUSE THEY'REEVER NICE TO ME.
[CHUCKLES]
WELL...
THIS IS NOT TRUE, BILL.
EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU,
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
YEAH. YEAH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS LAUGHING OR SOMETHING.
SO WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?
I WATCMOVIES IN MY HEAD.
HEH HEH...
HEY, DAD.
THAT WAS REALLY NICE WHAT YOU DID FOR NICK.
I'M SORRY YOU THINK I DON'T TREAT YOU RIGHT SOMETIMES.
I DIDN'T SAYTHAT,DAD.
I JUST...
WISH YOU COULD TALK TO ME LIKE YOU TALK TO NICK.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS
BETWEEN YOU AND NICK?
YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER.
AND...EVERY SECOND YOU'RE OUT OF THIS HOUSE,
EVERY SECOND THAT I CAN'T SEE YOU
OR KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
IT'S...
IT'S ABSOLUTE TORTURE FOR ME.
DAD, I CAN'T STAY INSIDE ALL THE TIME.
I KNOW.
WHY NOT?
[LGHS]
GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
SO ALL THE CANS BEHIND STEVE MARTIN START SPRINGING HOLES,
AND STEVE MARTIN SAYS, "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THESE CANS."
AND HE SEES THE GUY SHOOTING, AND HE SAYS,
"THAT GUY HATES THESE CANS."
[BOTH LAUGHING]
IT'S REALLY FUNNY.
[SIGHS]
THERE'S...
SOMETHIN' YOU SHOULD KNOW, BABE
THE HELL.
I'VE EN YOU SMILIN'... WHAT? WHAT?
DON'T EVER
I'V WHEN YOU RUN
I'VE MADE MY MIND UP THAT IT'S MEANT TO BE
SOMEDAY, LADY, YOU'LL ACCOMPANY ME
OUT WHERE THE RIVERS MEET THE SOUNDIN' SEA
YOU'RE HIGH ABOVEE NOW, YOU'RE WILD AND FREE
AH, BUT SOMEDAY, LADY, YOU'LL ACCOMPANY ME
SOMEDAY, LADY, YOU'LL ACCOMPANY ME
YEAH
UM...CINDY, CAN I KISS YOU?
OF COURSE.
SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT LOVE'S A LOSIN' GAME
YOU START WITH FIRE, BUT YOU LOSE THE FLAME
THE ASHES SMOLDER, BUT THE WARM'S SOON GONE
YOU END UP COLD AND LONELY...
OH! HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES, BABE
I'LL RISK IT ALL
I'LL WIN YOUR LOVE
LL DE MY MIND UP...
BILL, YOUR 7 MINUTES WERE UP 5 MINUTES AGO.
VICKI, YOUR NIGHTMARE'S OVER.
SOMEDAY, LADY, YOU'LL ACCOMPANY ME
BILL. GOD, THIS REALLY SUCKS.
[KNOCKING]
BILL. BILL.
HELLO, BILL.
Announcer: PREVIOUSLY ONFREAKS AND GEEKS...
SERGEANT PEPPER, WHERE'S THE REST OF THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND?
LINDSAY, IS THIS BONEHEAD A FRIEND OF YOURS?
I LIKE SAM.
OH.
DO YOU THINK THAT THERE'S ANY CHANCE THAT THIS MAY ACTUALLY HAPPEN?
YOU REALLY LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?
SO, IF THEY OPEN THIS NEW SPORTING GOODS MEGA-STORE AT THE MALL,
WE'RE IN FOR A REAL FIGHT.
WELL, IF I WERE THEM, I'D BE THE NERVOUS ONES.
I WOULDN'T SHOP AT THAT BIG MEGA-STORE IF YOU PAID ME.
OH, I LIKE THIS GIRL. ISN'T SHE GREAT, LINDSAY?
UH, YEAH, SHE'S...GREAT.
SO I HEAR SOMETHING VERY EXCITING IS HAPPENING THIS WEEK AT SCHOOL.
THAT'S RIGHT. VICE PRESIDENT GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH
IS COMING TO OUR SCHOOL TO SPEAK AT AN ASSEMBLY IN THE CAFETERIA.
BOY, I WISH THERE WAS A WAY I ULD GET THE VICE PRESIDENT TO STOP AT MY STORE.
YOU CAN'T PAY FOR THAT KIND OF PUBLICITY.
YOU KNOW, THE MOST EXCITING THING IS CINDY, BECAUSE SHE'S HEAD
OF THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS CLUB, GETS TO INTRODUCE HIM.
WOW, THAT IS A BIG HONOR, ISN'T IT LINDSAY?
YEAH, IF YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN.
OH, AND YOU'RE NOT?
NO, I'M A DEMOCRAT.
YOU KNOW, EVERYONE'S A DEMOCRAT TILL THEY GET A LITTLE MONEY.
THEN THEY COME TO THEIR SENSES.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
LIVIN' IN THE PAST, IT A NEW GENERATION
GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO
AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
WHAH! NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
ME, ME, ME, ME
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION
ND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE
I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE
AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE 'BT MY BAD REPUTATION
NOTE!
IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
WHAT, ARE THE BLUES BROTHERS DOING A SHOW IN TOWN TONIGHT?
NO. GEORGE BUSH
IS COMING TO SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL.
THE PORN STAR?
THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. GEORGE BUSH.
HI, GUYS.
HEY.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I'M JUST-- I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
I JUST FOUND OUT WE HAVE TO PLAY
HAIL TO THE CHIEF WHEN BUSH ARRIVES. THERE'S A LOT OF TUBA.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, AMY. BUSH PROBABLY DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE TUBA.
I CAN SEE IT NOW.
[MIMICSHAIL TO THE CHIEF OUT OF TUNE]
[LAUGHING]
STOP!
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. COME ON, BEAT IT. THERE'S NO HANGING OUT UNDER THE STAIRS.
WHAT? SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THE VICE PRESIDENT IS COMING.
COME ON, GIMME A BREAK. THE SECRET SERVICE WANTS ALL THESE AREAS CLEARED OUT.
HOW WE EVER GONNA PLAN OUR COUP?
DON'T EVEN JOKE, DESARIO. I CAN GET YOU THROWN IN JAIL JUST FOR SAYING THAT.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
COOOOOUP. COUP. COUP.
DON'T JOKE ABOUT IT.
IT'S OK. I HAVE TO PRACTICE, ANYWAY.
WANT TO HANG OUT AFTER SCHOOL?
I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE TO PRACTICE. GOTTA STUDY.
YOU'RE A BAD INFLUENCE.
SO I'LL SEE YOU AT 6:30?
SEE YA LATER.
BYE.
Cindy: I HOPE THE GAME'S GOOD TONIGHT.
Girl: DEFINITELY.
IT WILL BE. TRUST ME. HA HA HA.
HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
[OTHER TABLE LAUGHS]
WE DON'T KNOW.
ALL GOING ON OVER THERE.
[LAUGHING AND TALKING]
ONCE YOU START DOWN THAT DARK PATH,
FOREVER WILL IT DOMINATE YOUR DESTINY.
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT YODA ALWAYS SAYS.
I MEAN, NOT ALL CHEERLEADERS HAVE TO BE PRETTY,
BUT THEIR CHEERLEADERS AREN'T EVEN REMOTELY PRETTY.
I MEAN, THEY'RE DIRTY.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? IT'S DISRESPECTFUL.
IT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO THEIR TEAM.
IT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO THEIR SCHOOL.
IF I WAS THEIR STUDENT BODY, I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.
HEY, NOT ALL OUR CHEERLEADERS ARE PRETTY.
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
TODD, SHUT UP.
I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU.
GOD, WOULD YOU GET OVER YOURSELF?
SAM, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DEFEND ME?
WHAT? HE--HE SAID HE WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU.
SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET IT GO?
WOULD YOU STOP?
I LIKE SAM.
WHAT, DO YOU WANT TO SEE US FIGHT?
I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT.
MOUSETRAP! I WIN!
CONGRATULA
TIONS, BILL. MAYBE YOU CAN GET THE SCHOOL TO START A TEAM.
FUNNY.
SAM, DON'T WORRY. IT'S JUST A GAME.
I MEAN, I'M GOOD AT MOUSETRAP, AND YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT KERPLUNK.
NO. NO, NO, NO. IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THIS THING WITH CINDY.
SHS KINDA-- SHE'S KINDA BORING.
REALLY?
IT'S WEIRD HANGING OUT WITH HER FRIENDS.
I MEAN, ALL SHE EVER WANTS TO DO IS MAKE OUT AND STUFF.
I'D KILL TO BE THAT BORED.
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT DOING THIS RIGHT.
I MEAN, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO GO OUT ON DATES AND STUFF?
WELL, Y-YEAH. WE WENT TO THE MALL TWICE,
AND WE WENT TO THIS FOOTBALL GAME ONCE,
AND AFTER THAT, WE WENT TO A DIFFERENT MALL.
THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE HER OUT ON A DATE
AND DO SOMETHING THATYOUWANT TO DO.
BUT WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO?
THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH HER?
Neal: BECAUSE SHE'S A GODDESS!
AM I THE LAST SANE MAN ON THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET?
HEY, PASS HER OVER HERE. I'DMOVETO THE MALL IF SHE WANTED ME TO.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL ASK. JUST SHUT UP ALREADY.
SO HOW COME WE NEVER HANG OUT AT YOUR HOUSE?
UM, 'CAUSE I HATE IT THERE?
RELY?
YES, REALLY.
HOW COME EVERYONE ALWAYS THINKS I'M JOKING ALL THE TIME?
SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY VOICE, ISN'T IT? THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
I MEAN, YOUR PARENTS SEEM SO NICE.
WELL, THEY'RE NOT BAD PEOPLE.
THEY'RE GOOD AT THEIR JOBS.
I GUESS--I GUESS RAISING ME
WASN'T ONE OF THE THINGS THEY LEARNED TO DO IN COLLEGE.
SO HOW'D YOU TURN OUT AM I?
I DON'T KNOW. I WAS, UH, I WAS RAISED BY A NANNY.
YEAH. CATHERINE.
SHE WAS PRETTY-- SHE WAS PRETTY GREAT, YOU KNOW.
SHE WAS THE BEST MOMMY MONEY COULD BUY.
I DI
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME.
YEAH. WELL.
YOU KNOW, I THINTHAT WE TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING.
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT, SO YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME YEAH. OFYOU WON'T FREAK OUT.
OH, I'M PRETTY HARD TO FREAK OUT.
NO, I'M SERIOUS. YOU PROMISE?
I CAN TRY TO PROMISE.
IF YOU KILLED SOMEONE OR SOMETHING, THOUGH--
NO. YOU KNOW, FORGET IT.
I'M SORRY. GO ON.
N.
BUT WHEN I WAS BORN...
MALE OR FEMALE
YEAH. ME, TOO.
NO, I MEAN--I MEAN, I WAS BORN WITH BOTH...
WITH BOTH MALE AND FEMALE PARTS.
MY PARENTS MADE A DECISION WITH THE DOCTORSI MEAN, THANK GOD, THAT I SHOBECAUSE THAT'S WHO I AM.
BUT IT'S STILL A REALLY BIG PART OF MY LIFE...
AND I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
NO, THIS IS...GOOD THAT YOU TOLD ME THIS.
ARE YOU FREAKING OUT?
IT--
YOU'RE--YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE ALL GIRL NOW.
YEAH.
YEAH. SO, YOU KNOW, IT'S OK, YOU KNOW?
IT'S, UH, IF I WAS DATING YOU WHEN YOU WERE JUST BORN,
THINGS, UH, MIGHT BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT
'CAUSE OF ALL THAT STUFF.
BUT NOW YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE ALL GIRL NOW, SO IT'S...OK.
THANKS, KEN.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH, I, UH,
I HAD MY APPENDIX OUT, SO, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THERE.
HA HA HA HA.
LINDSAY, OLD JEFF ROSSO IS ABOUT TO MAKE YOUR DAY.
YOU'VE HEARD OF A GUY NAMED VICE PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH, HAVEN'T YOU?
YEAH.
WELL, I'VE ARRANGED R YOU TO ASK HIM THE FIRST QUESTION
DURING THE INFORMAL Q AND A WITH THE STUDENT BODY.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
WHY?
BECAUSE I'M A DEMOCRAT.
SO?
SO I WOULDN'T HAVE VOTED FOR REAGAN IF I WAS OLD ENOUGH.
WHY WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO HIS LACKEY?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S THE SECOND MOST POWERFUL MAN ON EARTH.
MAYBE BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE WE CAN ACTUALLY QUESTION OUR LEADERS
WITHOUT FEAR OF BEING HACKED TO DEATH BY A MACHETE.
MR. ROSSO, I DIDN'T--
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO TALK TO THE VICE PRESIDENT.
THERE'S PLENTY OF PEOPLE HERE WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR COUNTRY.
I GUESS ME AND MY HIPPIE FRIENDS WERE ALL JUST WASTING OUR TIME
AT BERKELEY DEMONSTRATING AND STOPPING AN UNJUST WAR.
PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED.
OK, MR. ROSSO. STOP.
COME ON, LINDSAY. I WAS SO EXCITED FORYOUTO DO IT!
YOU'RE A SPECIAL PERSON, AND IT'S YOUR DESTINY,
IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, TO BE INTERACTING WITH WORLD LEADERS.
DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
YOU BET I DO.
OK. FINE. I'LL DO IT.
I'VE GOT THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!
12 GRAND A YEAR, AND I'M OVERPAID.
EXCUSE ME, SIR. I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU AND THIS YOUNG LADY
TO PLEASE LEAVE THE OFFICE.
NO, SIR. W THERE ANYTHING WRONG?
E JUST NEED TO INSPECT AND CORDON OFF THESE AREAS
UNTIL AFTER THE VICE PRESIDENT'S VISIT.
BUT, UH, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK?
SORRY, SIR, IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
THANKS VERY MUCH. ISN'T THIS EXCITING?
THANK YOU. DO ME A FAVOR? GIVE ME A ROOM SWEEP ON THE LEFT SIDE.
YEAH.
UH, CROCKPOT, YOU'RE GOING TO GET A VISUAL ON THAT BOGIE.
HE'S COMING AT YOU.
HE'S ABOUT 6'3", A REAL DR. FEELGOOD LOOK. CHECK HIM OUT.
WOW. IT'S SIXTH PERIOD ALREADY.
YEP.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD LUNCH?
I THOUGHT THE CAFETERIA FOOD
LOOKED A LITTLE GROSS, SO I HAD AN APPLE.
IT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. IF YOU LIKE SALISBURY STEAK.
[BELL RINGS]
UM... I HAVE TO GET TO MATH, SO--
I GOT CHEMISTRY.
GIVE YOU A CALL.
SO WHAT SHOULD I ASK?
WELL, ASK HIM SOMETHING REALLY TOUGH, YOU KNOW?
PUT HIM ON THE SPOT. WHAT WOULD HE NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT?
THEY SAY THAT REAGAN HAD IRAN DELAY THE RELEASE OF THE HOSTAGES
UNTIL TER HE WAS ELECTED.
YOU SHOULD ASK HIM ABOUT THAT. WRITE THAT ONE DOWN.
I BET HE FLIPS.
I WANT TO ASK HIM ABOUT TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS.
OH, LINDSAY, THAT'S BORING. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
HERE, GIVE ME THIS NOTEBOOK. KIM...
I WANT TO ASK HIM ABOUT THE ALIENS AT ROSWELL.
[LAUGHING] COME ON.
I GOTTA WRITE DOWN SOME REAL QUESTIONS.
OK.
HOW'S IT GOING?
GREAT. I THINK I
'M GONNA GET A "B" IN MATH. I'M SO RELIEVED.
CINDY, I WAS KINDA THINKING THAT MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME. LIKE A REAL DATE, YOU KNOW?
SAM, YOU'RE SO SWEET.
OF COURSE I'LL GO OUT ON A DATE WITH YOU.
YEAH?
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO? ALL THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS
ARE GOING TO THESE BATTING CAGES, LIKE THIS GOOFY GOLF TYPE PLACE,
AND THEN AFTERWARDS, THEY'RE GONNA GO SWIM IN THIS LAKE.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN?
YEAH. WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW...
I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE I COULD PLAN THE DATE.
I'D TAKE YOU OUT. IT WOULD BE MY SURPRISE. IT WOULD BE ON ME, YOU KNOW?
I GET IT. YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OUT LIKE A REAL GENTLEMAN.
YEAH. [CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK THAT'S REALLY ROMANTIC.
COOL.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?
ACTING LIKE WHAT?
YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME!
I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT WHAT I TOLD YOU?
NOTHING. YOU KNOW, YOU TOLD ME, AND I'M FINE WITH IT.
YOU'RE NOT FINE WITH IT!
YOU'RE ACTING COMPLETELY WEIRD.
WELL, I DON'T THINK I AM.
I MEAN, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT AFTER YOU TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU'RE NOT REACTING AT ALL.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. I--I CAN'T CHANGE IT.
YOU'RE SUCH A JERK.
AMY, TELL ME WHAT TO SAY,
'CAUSE CLEARLY YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN MIND.
DO YOU STILL LIKE ME?
YEAH! OF COURSE I LIKE YOU STILL.
AND YOU CAN LIVE WITH THIS?
LIVE WITH WHAT? IT'S OVER. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, MOVE ON.
KEN, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S NOT THAT EASY.
NO MATTER WHAT THE DOCTORS DID,
THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE SOME PART OF ME THAT'S...
A GUY?
NO. FORGET IT.
[BAD ENGLISH ACCENT] IF IT WERE ME, I'D TAKE HER TO A BROADWAY SHOW.
BROADWAY? WE'RE IN MICHIGAN.
[NORMAL VOICE] DINNER THEATER?
THE JERKIS PLAYING AT THE DISCOUNT THEATER.
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY ROMANTIC.
LAUGHTER IS THE ULTIMATE APHRODISIAC.
GET A WOMAN LAUGHING AND YOU'VE GOT A WOMAN LOVING.
YOU GOTTA GET HER A REALLY GOOD PRESENT.
YOU COULD MAKE HER SOMETHING. LIKE OUT OF PAPER MACHE.
YEAH, THAT'S GREAT. IT'S FROM THE HEART.
HEY, HARRIS? WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO YOU GET JUDITH?
JUDITH HAS VERY PARTICULAR TASTES.
ABOUT THE ONLY THING SHE EVER WANTS
IS SCENTED OILS AND PLENTY OF TIME WITH HER MAN.
Everybody: ECCH!
I HAVE THE PERFECT GIFT.
WHAT IS IT?
YOUR GRANDMOTHER GAVE THIS TO ME
WHEN I WAS JUST ABOUT CINDY'S AGE.
IT'S AN HEIRLOOM.
I THOUGHT IT WAS THE MOST ELEGANT THING I'D EVER SEEN,
AND I'M SURE IF YOUR GRANDMOTHER KNEW
HOW IMPORTANT THIS WAS TO YOU, SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.
AND I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS YOUR FIRST LOVE.
THANKS, MOM.
WIT
RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER.
I A PERFECT COUPLE.
OK, LOOK, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING NOW,
D YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NO
AND NOT TO TELL ANYONE EVER, OK?
AMY'S NOT REALLY A GIRL.
BUT SHE'S KINDA--SHE'S I MEAN, YOU KNOW,SHE IS--KINDA PART GUY, TOO.
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
IT MEANS THATSHE WAS PACKING BOTH A GUN AND THE HOLSTER.
L HAVE,YOU KNOW...THE GUN?
NO. THE DOCTORS TOOK CARE OF IT.
Nick: I DON'T THINK IT WORKS THAT WAY.
YOUBETTER GET RID OF HER.
TO BREAK UP WITH HER. NTI REALLY LIKE HER.
I MIGHT EVEN...LOVE HER.
REALYEAH. YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW. DOES IT?
S
TO MY NEW "OFFICE,"
COURTESY OF BIG BROTHER.
IT'S KIND OF CRAMPED. SORRY ABOUT THAT.
QUITE ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. KEN MILLER. HERE. TALKIN'.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
UM, I, UH, CAN'T BELIEVE IT MYSELF,
BUT I ACTUALLY CAME HERE TO ASK YOU SOME ADVICE.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT THEY PAY ME FOR.
YEAH. UM...
WELL, THERE'S A SMALL LITTLE CHANCE THAT...
I MIGHT BE GAY.
I SEE. THAT'S COOL.
AND, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU'D BE A GOOD PERSON
TO TALK TO ABOUT IT, SINCE YOU'RE GAY.
I'M NOT GAY.
YOU'RE NOT?
NO.
OH. MAN. I JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT--
WHY DID YOU THINK THAT?
I--I DON'T KNOW.
YOU JUST--YOU KINDA HAVE THIS WAY ABOUT YOU,
AND I'VE--I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU WITH A WOMAN.
I DON'T BRING DATES TO SCHOOL.
LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY.
IT'S JUST NOT MY PERSONAL PREFERENCE.
I THINK I'D BETTER GET GOING.
KEN, YOU CAN STAY AND TALK ABOUT THIS.
NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN.
THERE'S A BRAND-NEW DANCE, BUT I DON'T KNOW ITS NAME
THAT PEOPLE FROM BAD--
[HEAVY METAL PLAYS]
IF THEY COULD SEE ME NOW THAT OLD GANG OF MINE
I'M EATIN' FANCY CHOW AND DRINKIN' FANCY WINE
I'D LIKE THOSE STUMBLEBUMS TO SEE FOR A FACT
THE KIND OF TOP-DRAWER, FIRST-RATE CHUMS I ATTRACT
ALL I CAN SAY IS, WOW, HEY, LOOK AT WHERE I AM
I'M LANDING, POW, RIGHT IN A POT OF JAM
WHAT A SETUP, HOLY COW
BELIEVE IT
IF MY FRIENDS COULD SEE ME
FRIENDS COULD SEE ME
SAID IF MY FRIENDS COULD SEME
[MUTTERING TO HIMSELF]
COME ON. COME ON.
NO! DAMN IT! COME ON!
MOTHER--
MR. ROSSO?
LINDSAY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I LOCKED MY KEYS IN MY CAR.
YOU NEED SOME HELP?
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
BU OH...
SH'S PEOPLE...REJECTED YOUR QUESTIONS. SO THEY'VE WRITTEN ONE FOR YOU. HERE.
"WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT IN THE STATE OF MICHIGAN?"
WHAT THE--WHAT HAPPENED?
THE BUSH PEOPLE FOUND THE ONES YOU WROTE TOO "SOPHISTICATED."
SOPHISTICATED? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT'S CODE FOR "NICE TRY, BUT THIS IS A GLORIFIED PHOTO OPPORTUNITY."
LOOK, I'M DISAPPOINTED, TOO, OK?
BUT LET'S TRY AND KEEP A POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE ON ALL THIS, OK?
YOU ACTUALLY GET TO INTERACT
WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. THAT'S HISTORIC.
OOH. MAYBE IF I'M LUCKY, HE'LL TELL ME
WHICH STEAKHOUSE HAS THE BEST PRIME RIB.
DON'T YOU THINK I'M P.O.'d, TOO?
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA HAVE AN ACTUAL POLITICAL CONVERSATION.
YOU CAN'T WIN WITH THESE PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT ALL MY PROTESTING ACCOMPLISHED IN THE SIXTIES AT BERKELEY?
16 SCARS ON MY HEAD FROM A TEAR-GAS CANISTER.
WE TRIED TO GET 'EM TO STOP THE WAR. THEY STOPPED THE WAR WHEN THEY FELT LIKE IT.
AND NOW ALL MY COMPATRIOTS ARE GETTIN' RICH WORKING WALL STREET,
AND I CAN'T GET MY KEYS OUT OF MY MOTHER'S CAR.
WHAT, THAT'S IT? YOU'RE JUST GONNA GIVE UP?
COME ON. THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO?
NO, THERE'S SOMETHING WE CAN DO.
YOU CAN GO GET BROOKSIE THE JANITOR TO COME OUT HERE AND HELP ME.
SO I TOLD TODD THAT REPUBLICANS AREN'T...SELFISH.
IT'S JUST THAT THEY DON'T BELIEVE POOR PEOPLE SHOULD GET HANDOUTS.
I MEAN, THEY SHOULD GET JOBS.
HANDOUTS JUST MAKE THEM LAZY, DON'T YOU THINK?
UH, I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS SO.
WELL, THEY DO.
TODD NEVER UNDERSTOOD. HE'S A DEMOCRAT. THEY LIKE HANDOUTS.
UM, AND SPEAKING OF HANDOUTS, HA HA,
UH, I GOT YOU SOMETHING.
REALLY? SAM, YOU'RE THE BEST BOYFRIEND.
WHAT'D YOU GET ME?
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S AN HEIRLOOM NECKLACE.
IT'S BEEN IN OUR FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS.
HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
UM, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S AN HEIRLOOM.
WELL, THANK YOU. THAT'S VERY SWEET.
WELL, DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ON YOU?
NO, THAT'S OK.
YOU KNOW, IT'S METAL, SO IT'D BE COLD ON MY NECK AND EVERYTHING.
ISN'T THAT STUPID? THEY'RE AFRAID OF REAL QUESTIONS.
HE'S NOT COMING TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL TO BE INTERROGATED
BY A BUNCH OF PIMPLE-FACED TEENAGERS.
YOU HAVE TO BE POLITE TO THE MAN.
OH, SO, WHAT--IF YOU HAVE A ZIT, YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO AN OPINION? IS THAT IT?
I JUST THINK IT'S NICE HE'S COMING.
I MEAN, I'M SURE HE'S A VERY BUSY MAN.
MOM, BUSY DOING WHAT? WAITING FOR THE PRESIDENT TO DIE SO HE CAN TAKE OVER?
LINDSAY.
LOOK, THERS A MORE IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY
TO BE HAD HERE.
I WAS THINKING... WHEN YOU ASK YOUR QUESTION, YOU CAN MENTION MY STORE.
DAD, THAT'S SICK.
WOULD BE SICKIF WE WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.
YOUR ONLY AFFILIATION RIGHT NOW TO ANY PARTY IS TO THE WEIR PARTY.
WE NEED HELP.
MOM, TELL HIM TO STOP, PLEASE.
NO, HONEY, THIS IS SERIOUS.
THOSE MEGA-STORES CAN OFFER DISCOUNTS YOUR FATHER CAN'T.
THIS IS NO BIG DEAL. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY,
"HI, I'M LINDSAY WEIR. MY FATHER OWNS A-1 SPORTING GOODS OUT ON 16 MILE,"
AND THEN, "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT IN MICHIGAN?"
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ASKING ME TO DO THAT.
OH, AND MAYBE YOU COULD WEAR
ONE OF THE STORE'S NEW T-SHIRTS. SHOW HER, HONEY.
HE HATES THESE CANS!
STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
MORE CANS!
HA HA HA HA HA!
ISN'T THIS GREAT?
YE
DO YOU WANT SOMEPOPCORN OR SOMETHING?
WILL POPCORN MAKE
IS NO. I THINK IT'S STUPID.
OLD IS THIS GUY?
HE'S GOT GRAY HAIR, AND HE'S RUNNING AROUND LIKE A 5-YEAR-OLD.
WHAT?
[GUNFIRE]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
M?
YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU--
OW!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GIVING YOU SOMETHING.
OH, GOD, WHAT ARE YOU GIVING ME?
I'M GIVING YOU A HICKEY, YOU GOOF.
OH, MY GOD! I'M ENDANGERING YOUR LIFE!
COVER ME!
NO YOU'RE COVERED!
, YOU GUYS, REALLY, ROSSO'S COOL.
DID YOU EVER REALLY LOOK AT HIM?
HE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF GOOD-LOOKING.
YEAH, IF YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO GUYS THAT LOOK LIKE JESUS.
SHUT UP!
HEY.
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
HEY, GUYS.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, DANIEL?
NG, GUYS?
OH, JEE THAT.
WHAT THE HELL, KEN?!
TAKE IT EASY, MAN.
OH, MY GOD.
Lindsay: HEY, DANIEL, YOU OK?
YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU GUYS GONNA TELL US
WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS ALL ABOUT?
JUST FORGET IT, KIM.
DANIEL, HE JUST PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE!
GIVE IT A REST, OK?
AMY.
CAN YOU JUST PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN?
HEY.
YOU OK?
YEAH.
ARE YOU? YOU LOOK WEIRD.
HUH?
MY BEST FRIENDS WERE PUNCHING EACH OTHER IN THE FACE TONIGHT.
CINDY AND ME WENT TO SEETHE JERK,
AND SHE DIDN'T LAUGH ONCE.
UH-OH.
I MEAN, SHE'S SO PRETTY.
HOW COME I DON'T LIKE HER?
M, JUST 'CAUSEA GIRL'S PRETTY
DOESN'T MEANNOT L.
YEAH, I KNOW.
WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IF IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT,
YOU CAN ALWAYS BREAK UP WITH HER.
T BR
WHY NOWHY?
WELL, BECAUSE THEY CAT BELIEVE THAT...
SHE'S GOING OUT WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SAM, YOU CAN'T JUST IF YOU DONAND--
EC
MAN, SAM.
WHAT?
LET ME SEE IT.
YOU BETTER WEAR A TURTLENECK
BEFORE MOM AND DAD SEE THAT.
HIGHWAYS AND DANCE HALLS
A GOOD SONG TAKES YOU FAR
YOU WRITE ABOUT THE MOON
AND YOU DREAM ABOUT THE STARS
BLUES AND OLD MOTEL ROOMS
TRICIA, NICE BLOUSE.
RED, WHITE, AND BLUE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.
GOOD MORNING, MISS.
WOW!
MR. ROSSO, YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
YEAH, I CLEAN UP NICE, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.
SO, YOU READY?
YEAH, I GUESS.
ARE YOU?
YEAH. THAT WHOLE THING IN THE PARKING LOT,
THAT WAS CRAZY. THAT WAS INAPPROPRIATE.
BUT WE SHOULDN'T GET SO WORKED UP ABOUT IT.
LET'S JUST HAVE FUN. THE VICE PRESIDENT IS HERE!
THIS IS EXCITING, ISN'T IT?
HEY.
SO,
YOU REALLY GONNA DO IT?
I'M A MEMBER OF THE WEIR PARTY.
HA HA HA HA!
MY STOMACH HURTS.
YEAH, MY STOMACH WOULD HURT, TOO,
IF I WAS BREAKING UP WITH THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN SCHOOL.
Neal: I'M GLAD YOUR STOMACH HURTS.
KNOW WHAT THAT IS? IT'S YOUR BODY TELLING YOU
YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
NO, NEAL, I'M NOT MAKING A MISTAKE, OK?
JUST BECAUSE A GIRL'S PRETTY DOESN'T MEAN THAT SHE'S COOL.
OK, SAM,
FIRST OF ALL, OF COURSE IT DOES.
AND SECONDLY, YOU'RE JUST SCARED.
I MEAN, YEARS FROM NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE SITTING IN YOUR HOUSE,
LOOKING AT YOUR UNATTRACTIVE KIDS
WITH YOUR UNATTRACTIVE WIFE, SAYING TO YOURSELF,
"MAN, WHY DID I EVER DUMP THAT GODDESS CINDY SANDERS?"
YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T LISTEN TO ANY MORE OF THIS.
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THE TIME
THAT I MADE OUT WITH VICKI APPLEBY?
OH, SHUT UP.
YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR.
HEY, AMY.
WHOA, WAIT UP!
IS EVERYTHING OK?
NO. I CAN'
T EVEN BELIEVE I CAME TO SCHOOL TODAY.
WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON?
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW, LINDSAY.
NO, I DON'T.
YOU MEAN KEN DIDN'T TELL YOU?
NOBODY'LL TELL ME ANYTHING.
DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME?
MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU.
YOU KNOW, LINDSAY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HEY, AMY!
GOOD LUCK WITH HAIL TO THE CHIEF!
THANKS.
[COUGHING AND RETCHING]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
HEY.
ARE YOU LINDSAY'S BROTHER?
SAM. YEAH.
DID YOU JUST PUKE?
NO. I'M NERVOUS.
BECAUSE OF GEORGE BUSH?
I'M GONNA BREAK UP WITH CINDY SANDERS.
WOW. WHY, MAN?
SHE'S HOT.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S JUST REALLY DIFFERENT THAN I AM.
YEAH. I--I KNOW HOW THAT ONE GOES.
I'VE BEEN THINKING I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, TOO.
[MOCKING] OH, HOW COME?
IT'S COMPLICATED.
VERY COMPLICATED.
[SIGHS]
IT'S JUST WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON.
I MEAN, SHE THOUGHT THE JERKWAS STUPID.
YOU SERIOUS?
MAN, MY GIRLFRIEND LOVEDTHE JERK.
WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHI
ANYTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
SHE DOESN'T LIKE ANYTHING THAT I LIKE.
WE NEVER HAVE ANY FUN TOGETHER.
THAT'S TOO BAD, MAN.
REALLY, MY--MY GIRLFRIEND'S PRETTY COOL WHEN IT COMES TO STUFF LIKE THAT.
GOD, THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, I'M GONNA BREAK UP WITH CINDY SANDERS.
GOOD LUCK, BUDDY.
THANKS.
SAM, I'VE BE LOOKING ALL OVER--
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WHAT?
SAM, YOU'RE WEARING A TURTLENECK.
ARE YOU COVERING UP MY HICKEY?
WHAT? NO! NO, I--I--
IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING.
COME ON, DON'T GET ALL MAD.
OH, THANKS, SAM.
SO I GUESS IF YOU GOT ME A DIAMOND RING
AND I DIDN'T WEAR IT BECAUSE I WAS TOO EMBARRASSED,
YOU WOULDN'T GET ALL MAD, EITHER?
HEY, COME ON! I GOT YOU A NECKLACE,
AND YOU'VE NEVER WORN IT.
IT WAS UGLY!
IT WAS AN HEIRLOOM.
SAM, DO NOT START A FIGHT WITH ME RIGHT NOW, OK?
I HAVE TO GO IN THERE AND INTRODUCE BUSH.
CINDY...
WHAT?
I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE.
I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING FRIENDS.
FRIENDS?
WHY WOULD YOU JUST WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?
I JUST REALLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND,
LIKE BEFORE.
NO.
NO?
NO, SAM, YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH ME.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE.
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY I'M GOING OUT WITH YOU
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
HEY, I AM NICE!
I'M JUST NOT HAVING ANY FUN. ARE YOU?
NO.
NO, I'M NOT HAVING ANY FUN, SAM.
HAVE YOUR STUPID HEIRLOOM BACK.
UM, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HER.
ARE YOU GONNA EAT WITH US AT LUNCH TODAY?
YEAH, YEAH.
THANK GOD.
LET'S GO.
I'M SORRY.
AND I DON'T CARE, AND I'M SO SORRY.
I HAVE TO GET TO THE ASSEMBLY.
OK.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE JUST EAT LIKE YOU'D NORMALLY EAT.
HELLO, MY NAME'S ROSSO. IT'LL BE ON YOUR LIST.
JEFFREY THEODORE ROSSO?
SIR, COU YES.
LD YOU STEP OVER HERE FOR A SECOND?
SIR, ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
A MEMBER OF AN ORG
ANIZATION CALLED THE TAFT STUDENTS ALLIANCE FOR A NEW AMERICA?
I NO.
MEAN, I MIGHT BE ON THEIR MAILING LIST
SOMEWHERE FROM WAY BACK,
BUT I'M CERTAINLY NOT--
WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, YOU'VE BEEN RED-FLAGGED AS A SECURITY RISK.
I CAN'T ALLOW YOU TO ATTEND THE ASSEMBLY.
THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE. I WORK HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW.
OK, NOW, I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO ESCORT YOU
TO A LITTLE HOLDING AREA THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED OVER HERE.
OH, WAIT, THERE HE IS!
MR. ROSSO, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR GETTING LINDSAY THIS OPPORTUNITY.
Lindsay: HEY, MR. ROSSO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I GUESS I ROCKED THE BOAT A LITTLE BIT IN MY YOUTH.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, LINDSAY.
JUST GO IN THERE AND MAKE THE SCHOOL PROUD.
MR. ROSSO, PLEASE.
STEP BACK. STEP AWAY.
Jean: WOW.
SEE, I TOLD YOU THAT GUY WAS A KOOK.
SO WHAT DO YOU TEACH HERE?
ACTUALLY, I'M A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
REALLY?
SOMETIMES I HAVE TO JUST STAND IN ONE PLACE
FOR 12 HOURS AND STARE AT A WALL.
YOU START TO SEE THINGS.
YOUR FEET-- THE PAIN
WELL, IT'S AN IMPORTANT JOB.
YOU EVER NO, IT'S NOT.
HEARD OF THE VICE PRESIDENT GETTING ASSASSINATED?
NO. YOU KNOW WHY?
IT'S NEVER HAPPENED.
WILL IT EVER HAPPEN? NO WAY.
BECAUSE WHO CARES?
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
AS THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE STUDENT LIAISON
FOR McKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL,
I AM HONORED TO PRESENT TO YOU...
[SNIFFLES]
THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
GEORGE BUSH.
[BAND PLAYSHAIL TO THE CHIEF]
YEAH, HAIL TO THE CHIEF!
THIS SONG ROCKS!
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES-- I MEAN, THIS SOUNDS CRAZY--
BUT SOMETIMES I THINK I JUST WANT TO RIP OFF MY VEST AND JACKET
AND JUST PUT ON A T-SHIRT
AND GO AND, LIKE, MAKE PANCAKES SOMEWHERE OR SOMETHING.
BUT, I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE CRAZY, RIGHT?
HEY... I'VE GOT A TEST
WHICH REVEALS WHAT TYPE OF JOB YOU'RE BEST SUITED FOR.
YOU WANT TO TAKE IT?
THANKS, JEFF.
UH, NOW WE'RE GOING TO OPEN UP THE FLOOR
SO THE VICE PRESIDENT CAN TAKE SOME QUESTIONS
FROM OUR STUDENT BODY.
AND OUR FIRST QUESTION COMES FROM MS. LINDSAY WEIR.
MS. WEIR, GO RIGHT AHEAD.
MR. VICE PRESIDENT, MY NAME IS LINDSAY WEIR.
MY DAD OWNS A1 SPORTING GOODS ON 16 MILE ROAD.
MY QUESTION IS...
WHY DID YOUR STAFF REJECT MY QUESTION?
ARE YOU AFRAID OF AN OPEN DISCOURSE WITH THE STUDENTS?
[MURMURING]
FUNNY KID.
ONE OF McKINLEY'S FINEST.
"DO YOU LIKE WORKING WITH MAJOR APPLIANCES?"
THAT'D BE A YES.
[FOXY'SHOT NUMBERPLAYS]
COME ON, YOU GUYS. THIS IS SO STUPID.
NO, THIS IS NOT STUPID.
THIS IS A TRADITION.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHEN THE HEAT IS ON, EVERYBODY KNOWS
THEY'RE IN THE MOOD TO BE A HOT NUMBER...
DISCO SUCKS!
OH...MY...GOD.
LIVIN' IN THE PAST, 'BOUMY REPUTATION IT'S A NEWENERATION DAMN
GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GOA DO
AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
WHAH! NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
NOT ME
ME, ME, ME, ME
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION
I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION
AND I D'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE
I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE
AND I NEVER GONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION
OT ME!
CAN'T WAIT TO GET THE NEW YEARBOOK.
I'M ONLY GONNA LET GIRLS SIGN IT,
'CAUSE THAT WAY, WHEN I HAVE KIDS,
THEY'LL THINK I WAS A BIG STUD.
I BET WE'LL FIND OUT SOME GIRLS HAVE CRUSHES ON US.
"DEAR SAM, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE SEPTEMBER.
TRUE LOVE ALWAYS..."
NO, THEY ALWAYS WRITE THE SAME THING.
"NEAL, YOU'RE A WILD AND CRAZY GUY."
NEVER A WILD AND SEXY GUY.
[CHUCKLES]
Jocks: GEEK CLEAN-OUT!
YEAH!
Neal: HEY, THANKS A LOT, GUYS!
REAL MATURE!
I HATE WHEN THEY DO THIS!
I MEAN, WHY DO JOCKS THINK IT'S SO FUNNY?
THEY THINK CLEAN-OUTS ARE FUNNY.
THEY THINK WEDGIES ARE FUNNY.
THEY THINK SWIRLIES ARE FUNNY.
WHERE DO THEY FIND TIME TO PLAY SPORTS?
I'M SICK OF BEING CALLED A GEEK.
I MEAN, WHAT'S SO GEEKY ABOUT US, ANYWAYS?
WE'RE JUST GUYS.
Harris: GENTLEMEN, GOOD NEWS.
NEW DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS HANDBOOK--
DEITIES & DEMIGODS.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN FRIDAY NIGHT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
ARE YOU GUYS COMING TO THE DISCO ON FRIDAY NIGHT?
WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?
WELL, BECAUSE NICK IS ENTERING THE DANCE CONTEST.
WOW, REALLY, NICK?
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
ALL RIGHT, UH... WE BETTER GET GOING,
'CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA BE REVIEWING FOR FINALS AND STUFF.
OH, YEAH, FINALS.
WHO CARES, RIGHT?
RIGHT. DAVE FLEURY, I HOPE YOU'VE STUDIED.
YEAH.
SO, ARE YOU LIKE P
AYING DAVE FLEURY TO HELP YOU CHEAT, OR SOMETHING?
UH, YEAH, BUT, UM, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
OH, NO!
I'D NEVER DO THAT.
OK, WELLWE'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON?
OH, THAT IS SO SAD.
I DON'T KNOW.
SARA'S COOL.
I'LL BET HE'S PROBABLY HOPING THAT YOU GET JEALOUS.
OH, HEY, YOU GUYS.
SORRY ABOUT THE SMOKE.
THESE THINGS ARE GONNA KILL ME.
I KNOW I MIGHT LOOK COOL WITH A CIGARETTE IN MY HAND,
BUT, REMEMBER, IT'S JUST A CRUTCH.
DON'T FORGET THAT, GOT IT?
All: YES, MR. FLECK.
HOW'S TRICKS?
WE GOT CLEANED OUT.
JOCKS?
YEAH, WHO ELSE?
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THE JOCKS.
TAKE A SEAT, FELLAS.
WATCH MY HAND.
THIS IS A GRAPH OF THEIR LIVES.
OOH, I'M IN PEE WEE FOOTBALL!
I'M PRETTY GOOD.
WHAT? I CAN BE FIRST STRING ON A HIGH SCHOOL TEAM
AND GET TO WEAR A JACKET WITH LEATHER SLEEVES?
NOW, R HOORAY!
IGHT THERE, WHERE THEY CLEANED YOU OUT--
THAT'S THE PINNACLE OF THEIR LIVES.
HEY, I WANT TO PLAY COLLEGE BALL.
WHAT? MY GPAs AREN'T HIGH ENOUGH TO GET A SPORTS SCHOLARSHIP?
OW, I JUST BLEW MY KNEE OUT DURING PRACTICE.
OOPS, I'M OUT OF SCHOOL AND SELLING USED CARS.
WHAT? I'M FIRED?
HAND ME THAT BOTTLE OF BOOZE, MAN.
NOW, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR LIVES, SHALL WE?
YOU GET CALLED GEEKS,
YOU GET CLEANED OUT,
GIRLS DON'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE US FEEL BETTER.
HOLD ON, COOL BREEZE, IT GETS BETTER.
WHAT? I'M ACCEPTED AT AN IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE?
HEY, CHICKS DIG SMART GUYS! WHO KNEW?
WHOA, LOOK AT ME. M HEAD OF A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY.
AN YES, MR. JOCK-WHO-CLEANED-ME-OUT,
IWILLHAVE FRIES WITH THAT.
BUT, WAIT!
NO, BUT THAT'S
LIKE A LONG TIME FROM NOW.
WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS FOR ANOTHER 3 YEARS.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO ENJOY...
THE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF LIFE.
A 16-MILLIMETER PRINT OFMONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL?
YEP.
GUYS AT A.V. AT
LINCOLN GOT IT ON LOAN FROM THE AIR FORCE BASE,
SO I TRADETHEM A COPY OFHEMO THE MAGNIFICENT.
IT'S OURS FOR A WEEK.
A.V. IS PARADISE ON EARTH.
I'M SO HAPPY, I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS AND GIRLS, COME ON, SETTLE DOWN.
IT'S TEST TIME.
YOU KNOW THE RULES.
IF YOU PASS, YOU FLY.
IF YOU FAIL, YOU GET TO LOOK AT MY PRETTY FACE AGAIN NEXT YEAR.
HEY.
WHERE'S DAVE FLEURY?
HE'S NEVER LATE.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
BROKE HIS ARM IN GYM THIS MORNING.
HE FELL OFF THE ROPES AND MISSED THE MAT.
IT WAS HILARIOUS.
HEY!
BETTER BE A FIRE, BRO.
THINK YOU'RE PRETTY COOL, DON'T YOU, MR. DESARIO?
NO, I DON'T THINK I'M COOL.
YEAH?
YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE THE FONZ OR SOMETHING?
IF A JUKEBOX WAS BROKEN,
THINK YOU COULD HIT IT AND IT'D START PLAYING?
I FEEL LIKE WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, DANIEL.
I'M A NICE GUY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHEN I STOP BEING NICE?
WHEN PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGEAND THAT'S OF MY NICEWHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING.
SO GUESS WHAT?
I'M NOT GONNA BE NICE RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?
OK, COOL GUY.
I' GOT A REAL COOL WAY FOR YOU TO SPEND THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.
YOU'RE NOW IN A.V.
CONGRATULATIONS.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
THAT IS GOING TO MAKE SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM VERY, VERY HAPPY.
YOU'RE QUITTING?
[CLASS TITTERS]
NO, MS. KELLY.
EVERY YEAR, THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
PICKS FROM THE TOP 1% OF THE STUDENTS IN THE STATE
TO TAKE PART IN AN ACADEMIC SUMMIT,
AND IT SEEMS THAT OUR VERY OWN LINDSAY WEIR
HAS BEEN SELECTED.
WHAT'S AN ACADEMIC SUMMIT?
2 GLORIOUS WEEKS AT THE U. OF M. CAMPUS,
READING, DEBATING,
MATCHING WITS WITH THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST
STUDENTS IN MICHIGAN.
YOU'LL BE RANKED DAILY.
THERE'LL BE COMPETITIONS AND RIVALRIES AND--
OH, YOU ARE ONE LUCKY GIRL!
WELL?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?
UM...
I'M ONE LUCKY GIRL?
SEE, HERE'S THWEIRD THING.
OK? USUALLY STUDENTS ARE HAPPY
ABOUT BEING SELECTED TO ATTEND THE ACADEMIC SUMMIT.
HOW CAN I BE IN THE TOP 1%?
I DON'T STUDY THAT MUCH.
I MEAN, ARE THE
KIDS IN MICHIGAN SCHOOLS THAT STUPID?
NO. YOU'RE JUSTHAT SMART.
[SIGHS]
MAYBE YOU'REIRED AND BROKEN.
YOUR TONGUE IS TWISTED WITH WORDS HALF-SPOKEN
AND THOUGHTS UNCLEAR.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
HROUGH.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?
D.
I KNOW IT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
NOT THE WHO. HA HA.
THE GRATEFUL DEAD.
WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, BACK IN THE EARLY 1700s,
I PUT THEIR ALBUM AMERICAN BEAUTYON WHENEVER I WAS STRESSING OUT.
IT ALWAYS HELPED.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
.
PUT IT ON WHILE YOU'RE STUDYING FOR FINALS,
AND SOON YOU'LL BE RARIN' TO GO TO THAT ACADEMIC SUMMIT.
I GOT KINDA WOOZY
WHEN I HAD TO SHOW THAT GIRLS' TIME OF THE MONTH FILM.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN LET ME INTO THE CLASS TO SHOW THAT ONE.
THEY SAID THE GIRLS WOULD BE TOO EMBARRASSED.
I HEARD THAT'S BECAUSE YOU COULD SEE A GIRL'S BOOBS IN IT.
ALL RIGHT, FELLAS,
LOOKS LIKE OUR HAPPY LITTLE A.V. FAMILY
IS ABOUT TO GET A NEW ADDITION.
DANIEL DESARIO IS GOING TO BE JOINING US HERE
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
WHY?
WELL, I GUESS HE WAS HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE,
AND MR. ROSSO THOUGHT THAT A STAY IN A.V.
MIGHT BE A GOOD ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT FOR HIM.
WAIT A MINUTE.
HE'S PUTTING HIM IN A.V. AS PUNISHMENT?
[2 KNOCKS ON DOOR]
SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. HERE HE IS.
WELCOME TO THE AUDIO-VISUAL DEPARTMENT, MR. DESARIO.
THANK YOU.
HEY, DANIEL, HOW'S IT GOING?
FINE.
HEY, DANIEL, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX A PROJECTOR?
NO.
WE CAN TEACH YA.
GREAT.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
DANIEL'S GONNA RUIN THE ONLY PLACE WE LIKE IN SCHOOL.
YEAH, WHY DID MR. ROSSO DO THIS TO US?
I BET THAT DANIEL GUY IS HIGH ON DRUGS,
AND IF WE MAKE HIM ANGRY, HE'LL FREAK OUT AND WRECK THE A.V. ROOM.
OH, NO! NO, HE WON'T.
HE'S NOT A BAD GUY.
I MEAN, HE'S FRIENDS WITH MY SISTER.
I'VE TALKED TO HIM.
Neal: SAM, HE GAVE YOU A PORNO.
I WOULDN'T EXACTLY SAY YOU HAVE A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
UM, NONE OF US REALLY KNOW HIM THAT WELL, NEAL.
ALL I KNOW IS, WHAT WE'VE GOTTA DO
IS GET HIM TOHOW MOVIES EVERY DAY.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE'LL BE ABLE TO GET RID OF HIM. AGREED?
AGREED.
LINDSAY, I UNDERSTAND CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.
WELCOME TO THE 1% CLUB.
I WAS ONE BACK IN 1956.
LOOK WHAT IT DID FOR ME!
THANK YOU.
OOH!
OH, MY GOD! I AM SO SORRY!
THAT WAS MY FAULT. THAT WAS ME. I'M THE CLUMSY CLOD.
HEY,AMERICAN BEAUTY. THAT IS A GREAT ALBUM, MAN.
OH. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'VE HEARD.
ARE YOU A DEADHEAD?
UM...NO. I--SOMEONE JUST GAVE IT TO ME TO LISTEN TO.
OH, WELL, IF YOU NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE, YOU'RE IN FOR A TREAT,
'CAUSE IT'S LIKE THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME.
REALLY?
Girl: YEAH.
IS IT THAT GREAT?
I WISH I'D NEVER HEARD IT,
JUST SO I COULD HEAR IT AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THIS IS SUCH A COOL VEST, KENNY.
WHY DON' KENNY?
T YOU COME OVER TO NICK'S AFTER SCHOOL?
WE'RE GONNA GO OVER SOME NEW DANCE MOVES.
I DON'T THINK SO.
UH, KEN DOESN'T REALLY LIKE TO DANCE.
OH, WELL, KENNY,
THAT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW.
NOW, I TAUGHT NICK HOW TO DO THE HUSTLE IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'LL PROBABLY LEARN EVEN FASTER THAN THAT,
BECAUSE YOU'LL HAVE BOTH OF US TEACHING YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
UM...NO?
OK. YOUR LOSS.
UM, DO YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING?
I'M GONNA GO GET SOME MORE MILK.
NO, I'M OK.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, BABY.
I'LL BE HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
I GIVE UP, NICK.
WHEN DOES ALAN FUNT COME BOOGIEING OUT?
YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT COOL, MAN.
COME ON. THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND, MAN.
DO I NEED TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU USED TO HATE DISCO?
LOOK, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ZEPPELIN AND DISCO, REALLY?
NO, LISTEN, THEY BOTH HAVE HEAVY DRUMS
AND THEY HAVE BASS.
HAVE YOU HEARD THAT FOXY SONG, HOT NUMBER?
IT ROCKS, MAN.
NO! I DON'T KNOW THAT SONG, THANK GOD.
BUT I CAN GUARANTEE IT SUCKS.
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS, MAN?
YOU SUCK.
NO, I'VE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD
TO GET A DECENT GIRLFRIEND FOR A LONG TIME.
AND NOW I'VE GOT ONE, AND YOU'RE BEING A REAL JERK.
NICK, YOU ARE ONLY GOING OUT WITH SARA
TO MAKE LINDSAY JEALOUS,
AND IT ISN'T WORKING.
ADMIT IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW YOU, MAN.
THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.
WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?
LINDSAY, CAN YOU PLEASE
START GOING OUT WITH NICK AGAIN?
I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS.
[GRATEFUL DEAD'S BOX OF RAINPLAYING]
LOOK OUT OF ANY WINDOW
ANY MORNING, ANY EVENING
ANY DAY
MAYBE THE SUN IS SHINING
OR RAIN IS FALLING FROM A HEAVY SKY
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
TO DO FOR YOU TO SEE YOU THROUGH?
FOR THIS IS ALL A DREAM WE DREAMED
ONE AFTERNOON LONG AGO
OUR DAUGHTER IN THE TOP 1%.
LIKE MY GRANDPA USED TO SAY,
IF I WAS WEARING MY VEST, ALL THE BUTTONS WOULD POP.
HERE I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE APPLYING YOURSELF,
AND NOW LOOK.
YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY THRILLED.
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF I WANT TO GO.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
[LAUGHS] WACKY?
CAN IT!
YOU'RE GOING TO THAT SUMMIT, LINDSAY.
THIS ISN'T EVEN OPEN FOR DEBATE.
DAD, I DIDN'T SAY I WASN'T GONNA GO.
JU SOUNDS KINDA...DUMB.
DUMB?
SPEND 2 WEEKS WITH THE INTELLECTUAL ELITE OF YOUR PEERS?
OH, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS PRETTY DUMB.
HONEY, THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU'LL MEET.
YEAH, MOM, I KNOW.
IT'S JUST--
Haro
ld: IT'S JUST NOTHING!
THIS IS YOUR KEY
TO THE BEST SCHOOLS IN THE WORLD...
HARVAR YALE, PRINCETON.
DON'T BLOW THIS, LINDSAY.
DAD, I DIDN'T SAY I WASN'T GONNA GO.
CAN' GOD.
T WE HAVE A NORMAL DISCUSSION ABOUT SOMETHING?
WHEN IT COMES TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS...NO.
WELL, EVERYONE,
LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING,
AND THAT'S THAT TODAY IS MOVIE DAY.
BUT JUST SO THAT WE DON'T COMPLETELY WASTE TIME,
WE'LL BE WATCHING
THE 1968 FRANCO ZEFFIRELLI VERSION OFROMEO AND JULIET.
IF ONE OF OUR ASTUTE MEMBERS OF THE A.V. SQUAD
WOULD GET HIS BUTT IN HERE,
WE'D BE ABLE TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
[2 KNOCKS ON DOOR]
HI, I'M HERE TO SHOW YOUR MOVIE.
I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
I WAS STARTING TO THINK I'D HAVE TO ACT OUT THE FILM MYSELF.
OH.
WHERE WAS I?
YES. THIS VERSION OF...
[FAKE COUGHS] GEEK!
AH! UH...
THIS VERSION OFROMEO AND JULIET
IS UNIQUE IN THAT IT IS THE FIRST TIME THAT A FILM
HAD CHOSEN TO LET TEENAGE ACTORS PLAY--
[CRASH]
DO YOU NEED A HAND, SIR?
NO, I THINK I GOT IT.
IN T
HE VERSION BEFORE MR. ZEFFIRELLI'S MASTERPIECE,
THE ROLES WERE PLAYED BY ACTORS WELL INTO THEIR 30s,
WHICH CAUSED IT TO HAVE AN ARTIFICIAL FEEL.
WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MR. DeMILLE SET UP THE PROJECTOR?
ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.
ANY CHANCE OF BEING READY IN THE NEAR FUTURE?
YEAH, JUST ONE SECOND, ALL RIGHT?
OK.
READY.
READY. SAINTS BE PRAISED.
[PROJECTOR FEEDS NOISILY]
[BANGS ON PROJECTOR]
INSTEAD OF HITTING IT, COULD YOU PLEASE
JUST MAKE THE FILM LOOP A LITTLE BIGGER?
WHAT?
MAKE THE FILM LOOP BIGGER.
THANKS.
SO YOU GUYS JUST DRIVE AROUND
AND FOLLOW THE DEAD EVERYWHERE?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
YOU MEET A LOT OF REALLY COOL PEOPLE.
WELL, ARE THE CONCERTS THAT DIFFERENT?
YEAH, IT'S LIKE NOTHING YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED.
THIS ONE TIME, WE WERE IN NEW JERSEY,
AND IT STARTED RAINING
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW.
SUDDENLY EVERYBODY GOES RUNNING DOWN TO THE PIT,
AND THEY START DANCING IN THE MUD.
AND THEN THE SUN COMES OUT,
AND THERE'S THIS RAINBOW
RIGHT OVER THE STAGE.
I STARTED CRYING.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
REALLY WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT
IS BEING TOGETHER AND HAVING A GOOD TIME, AS ONE.
JUDGING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
THAT'S NOT WHAT THE DEAD ARE ABOUT.
IT'S ALL ABOUT BEING CONNECTED AND BEING FREE.
NOTHING--NOTHING IS BETTER, I'M TELLING YOU.
YEAH, IT SOUNDS WILD.
WE'RE GOING DOWN TO TEXAS WHEN SCHOOL'S OUT.
WE'RE GONNA FOLLOW THE TOUR UP TO COLORADO.
9 SHOWS IN A WEEK AND A HALF.
I CAN'T WAIT.
WOW.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THIS SUMMER?
OH, I GOT INTO THIS ACADEMIC SUMMIT THING
AT U. OF M.
IT'S KINDA GOOFY.
[GIGGLES]
HEY, MAN, YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
Girl: YEAH. [GIGGLES]
MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO GO TO A.V. AGAIN TODAY.
IT'S SO STUPID.
WELL, YOU KNOW, DANIEL,
NOBODY ASKED YOU TO PULL THE FIRE ALARM.
OH, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, FLUNK THE TEST?
I SUCK AT MATH.
I SUCK AT EVERYTHING.
WELL...
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, DANIEL?
I DON'T KNOW, KIM.
YOU KNOW, I AM ALWAYS LISTENING TO YOUR STUPID PROBLEMS.
YOU KNOW WHAT, DANIEL?
WHY DON'T YOU GO TELL IT TO THE FIRE ALARM?
THANKS!
GUYS, I WANT MY NEW DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS CHARACTER
TO BE CALLED GORTHON.
WHY GORTHON?
'CAUSE IT SOUNDS COOL.
I'M GORTHON THE THIEF.
SURRENDER YOUR JEWELS, PRINCESS!
OH, BILL, DON'T BE A THIEF AGAIN!
YOU ALWAYS FALL DOWN A WELL TRYING TO STEAL STUFF.
UH, SORRY, KRAGENMORE THE DESTROYER.
SO, SAM, WILL LOGAN THE HUGE BE MAKING AN APPEARANCE?
I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
WHAT, YOU'RE TOO COOL FOR US NOW THAT YOU BROKE UP WITH CINDY?
NO.
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST-- IT'S A GEEKY GAME.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE POINT?
THE
POINT IS, YOU USED TO LIKE IT.
I LEFT MY SCIENCE BOOK IN THE A.V. ROOM.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
[CLATTER]
SEE YOU LATER.
HEY!
HEY.
WHAT'S EATING YOU?
HUH? NOTHING.
I JUST WISH I DIDN'T GET INTO THAT ACADEMIC SUMMIT.
JUST FEELS LIKE I'M GOING BACK INTO SCHOOL AGAIN.
LIFE'S TOUGH.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
IT MEANS YOU'VE BEEN MOPING AROUND
EVER SINCE YOU FOUND OUT YOU GOT INTO THAT STUPID THING.
AT LEAST YOU GET TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
KIM, IT'S SUMMER VACATION.
YOU CAN GO OUT OF TOWN, TOO.
YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE YOU WANT.
NO, I CAN'T, LINDSAY.
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
AND BESIDES, DANIEL NEVER WANTS TO GO ANYWHERE, ANYWAY.
SO?
GO WITHOUT HIM.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY HERE.
YOU KNOW THAT, KIM.
THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, LINDSAY,
'CAUSE YOU GET TO LEAVE.
I DON'T.
[DYNASTY'SI DON'T WANT TO BE A FREAKPLAYS]
COME ON, NICK, YOU PROMISED ME.
I KNOW. I'M JUST KINDA FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT.
I'M NOT THAT GOOD AT CONTESTS.
NICK, YOU ARE A GREAT DANCER.
OK? YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
AND I SWEAR, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT.
THANKS.
IT'S WEIRD. I USED TO HATE DISCO.
BUT I GUESS MAYBE...
I WAS JUST DESTINED FOR IT.
YEAH!
TOTALLY.
SOMETIMES YOU END UP BEING THE BEST
AT SOMETHING YOU HATE.
MM-HMM.
SHE HATE LIKE LINDSAY.
S MATH, BUT SHE'S THE HEAD OF THE MATHLETES.
NICK, DO YOU STILL LIKE LINDSAY?
NO, NO.
I MEAN, I STILL CARE ABOUT HER.
LOOK, I REALLY LIKE YOU, SARA.
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU SINCE THE SIXTH GRADE.
REALLY?
I ALWAYS SAT BEHIND YOU,
EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE SO TALL I COULDN'T SEE THE BOARD.
WOW.
I JUST--I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU LIKE ME.
OH...
TONIGHT'S D&D CAMPAIGN IS GONNA BE THE BEST EVER.
2 WORDS: ANCIENT BABYLONIA.
HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE DRAWING OF THE GODDESS ISHTAR?
HUBBA HUBBA!
YOU SHOULD LOOK AT THE GODDESS OF VICE.
I JUST H YOU CAN SEE HER BUTT.
OPE YOU GUYS ARE READY TO FACE THE DANCING SWORD.
Neal: BRING IT ON!
WHAT'S A DANCING SWORD?
WELL, IT LIKE--
IT'S A SWORD THAT CAN FIGHT WITHOUT YOU HOLDING IT.
WHAT, YOU JUST SEND YOUR SWORD INTO BATTLE FOR YOU,
AND THEN YOU STAY HOME?
THAT'S KIND OF STUPID.
NO, NO, YOU HAVE TO BE AT LEAST 3 INCHES AWAY
FROM IT WHEN IT'S FIGHTING.
THAT WAY YOU CAN FIGHT 2 PEOPLE AT ONCE.
THAT'S KINDA COOL.
HEY, DANIEL.
WE'RE PLAYING D&D TONIGHT. YOU WANNA COME?
WHY?
I THINK YOU'D LIKE IT. WE COULD SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY.
I COULDN'T DO THAT.
YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT, ANYWAY. IT'S REALLY BORING.
NO. NO, IT ISN'T, NEAL.
YOU LOVE IT.
WE SIT AROUND AND CRACK JOKES
AND EAT JUNK FOOD ALL NIGHT WHILE WE'RE...
FIGHTING DRAGONS AND SAVING PRINCESSES AND STUFF.
IT'S PRETTY FUN.
YOU GET AND THE BEST PART IS,
TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEBODY YOU CAN'T BE IN REAL LIFE.
OK, I'LL PLAY.
REALLY?
YEAH, I'LL PLAY.
JUST...DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE GOOD AT IT OR ANYTHING.
YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE ANY WORSE THAN BILL.
HEY!
SO, SAM, HOW ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU IN?
YEAH, I GUESS.
THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO COOL TO PLAY...
LOGAN THE HUGE.
KEN, NO. WE SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
JUST LET NICK DO WHAT HE WANTS.
I CAN'T DO THAT. THE POOR GUY'S BRAINWASHED.
I CAN'T LET HIM DANCE IN THIS STUPID CONTEST.
IT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT WE STAND FOR.
WELL, I'M NOT GONNA STOP HIM.
JUST TALK TO HIM!
AT LEAST TELL HIM THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A CHANCE WITH YOU
SO HE'LL BREAK UP WITH SARA!
NO, IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
LOOK! KENNY AND LINDSAY CAME TO CHEER YOU ON!
THAT IS SO COOL! HEY, GUYS!
HEY, NICK. LINDSAY HAS SOMETHING
SHE WANTS TO TELL YOU.
NO, I DON'T.
YES, YOU DO!
KEN, STOP IT!
OH, CHECK IT OUT, KIDS.
IT'S OUR LITTLE OPINIONATED ROCK 'N' ROLLER FRIEND.
WHO THE HELL'S HE TALKIN' ABOUT?
I THINK HE'S TALKING ABOUT YOU.
UH...SO WHAT DO I DO?
FIRST YOU HAVE TO CREATE A CHARACTER.
ROLL YOUR DICE AND FIND OUT WHAT YOUR ABILITY SCORES ARE.
WHAT ARE THOSE?
OH, WELL, THAT TELLS YOU IF YOU'RE STRONG OR SMART
OR HOW GOOD YOU ARE WITH A WEAPON.
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME... SUPER-SMART GUY?
I DON'T HAVE A CHARACTER.
I'M THE DUNGEON MASTER. I CONTROL THE GAME
AND ACT OUT ALL THE CHARACTERS YOU'LL MEET ALONG THE WAY.
AND, DANIEL, WATCH OUT FOR HIM.
HE'S SNEAKY.
YEAH, YEAH, HE THINKS
BEING A DUNGEON MASTER GIVES HIM A LICENSE TO MESS WITH OUR HEADS.
OH, I'M SORRY. PERHAPS I SHOULD LET YOU
ENCOUNTER KITTENS AND GRANDMAS
SO AS NOT TO UPSET YOU.
COME ON, DANIEL, ROLL THE DICE.
I WANNA SEE WHAT YOUR CHARACTER'S GONNA BE.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE GOES NOTHIN'.
HEY, MAN, AREN'T YOU ONE OF THOSE GUYS
WHO'S ALWAYS YELLIN' IN HERE
THAT DISCO SUCKS?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
CAT GOT YOUR BONG, MAN?
IS THAT HOW YOU LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE,
RUNNIN' IN HERE, YELLIN' STUFF?
IS THAT WHAT YOUR PRECIOUS ROCK TEACHERS YOU, FRIEND?
UM...NO, MAN.
IT TEACHES ME THAT...
DISCO SUCKS!
KEN, DON'T, ALL RIGHT?
I SAY THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL SUCKS, OK?
HEY, HAVE YOU HEARD THE STONES' NEW SONG, MISS YOU?
WELL, GUESS WHAT? IT'S DISCO, MAN.
EVEN THE STONES KNOW IT.
THEY'RE WILLING TO ADMIT IT. WHY CAN'T YOU?
THIS PLACE IS EMPTY, MAN!
DISCO IS DEAD. GIVE IT UP!
WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK
TO SELLIN'SHIRTS AT THE MALL THERE, BUDDY?
ALL RIGHT, PAL. LET'S GO.
GREAT. THANKS A LOT, MAN.
DISCO IS ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE, I TELL YOU!
I KNOW IT... AND YOU KNOW IT...
AND MISS GLORIA GAYNOR KNOWS IT, TOO!
AT FIRST I WAS AFRAID
I WAS PETRIFIED [WEAK APPLAUSE]
KEPT THINKIN' I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU
BY MY SIDE...
WHERE THE HELL IS DANIEL WHEN YOU NEED HIM?
A DWARF? I DON'T WANNA BE A DWARF.
I WANTED TO BE, LIKE, A NINJA OR A FIGHTER.
WELL, DWARFS ARE FIGHTERS.
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD AT IT.
[SIGHS]
ARE YOU A DWARF?
NO. I'M KRAGENMORE THE DESTROYER.
YOU'RE LUCKY, MAN. I WANT TO BE
SOME HUGE DESTROYER GUY.
DWARFS CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS THAT HUGE GUYS CAN'T DO.
IT'S TRUE. TAKE IT FROM ME.
YEAH, DWARFS ARE REALLY TOUGH.
THEY'RE GOOD AT FINDING JEWELS.
ALL RIGHT, FINE. I'LL BE A DWARF.
BUT MY NAME IS CARLOS.
[SNICKERS]
CARLOS THE DWARF?
YEAH, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, GORTHON?
NO.
THANKS A LOT, MAN. THANKS FOR EMBARRASSING ME IN THERE.
I GOTTA GO DANCE IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE NOW!
BEST OF LUCK, MAN. I MEAN IT!
GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU GET OVER YOUR SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER.
AND YOU'RE TOO TALL TO BE A GOOD DANCER!
HEY, I AGREE WITH YOU, MAN.
THAT PLACE SUCKS.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT. THEY'RE CLOSIN' THE DISCO NEXT WEEK
AND BRINGIN' IN FOXY BOXIN'.
YOU SHOULD COME BACK AND CHECK IT OUT.
[SOFTLY] ROCK 'N' ROLL!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY? WHY DOES HE
HAVE TO GIVE ME SUCH A HARD TIME ABOUT THIS?
KEN'S JUST CONFUSED. HE'S THINKS YOU'RE DOING ALL THIS STUFF
TO...I DON'T KNOW, TO GET ME BACK.
WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN.
I MEAN, I'M WITH SARA NOW.
YOU KNOW?
I'M NOT SOME IDIOT. YOU TOLD ME TO MOVE ON.
AND SO I DID.
YEAH!
I KNOW.
I THINK IT'S GREAT.
WELL, IT IS GREAT. I MEAN, SARA'S THE BEST, YOU KNOW?
SHE OPENED ME UP TO ALL SORTS OF NEW THINGS,
AND SHE LOVES ME.
I MEAN, THAT'S IMPORTANT.
IT IS.
I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, NICK.
WELL, YOU SHOULD BE, YOU KNOW?
I EVEN QUIT SMOKING POT.
YEAH. I DON'T EVEN REALLY WANT IT ANYMORE.
IT'S LIKE I TOTALLY CLEANED MYSELF UP.
WOW!
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
GOD,
THAT'S--I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
THAT'S SO GREAT.
YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE HAVING
WAY MORE FUN WITH HER THAN YOU EVER DID WITH ME.
YEAH.
I MEAN, I AM.
TTA GET GOING.
I HAVE A LOT OF STUDYING TO DO FOR THAT ACADEMIC SUMMIT.
I SHOULD PROBABLY START STUDYING FOR FINALS.
OH, YEAH. I SHOULD DO THAT, TOO.
FIRST I GOTTA WIN THIS DANCE CONTEST. [CHUCKLES]
HEY, GOOD LUCK.
THANKS.
OK, ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE GONNA SHAKE OUR GROOVE THINGS
TONIGHT HERE AT FRONTIER LANES.
IT'S TIME FOR THE BIG DISCO CONTEST,
AND LET'S BRING UP OUR FIRST CONTESTANT OF THE NIGHT--
THAT'S MR. NICK ANDOPOLIS!
ANDOPOLIS.
[SCANT APPLAUSE]
NICK.
NICKY.
NICK! COME ON, BABY, IT'S YOUR TURN.
TIME TO BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE.
[GROOVE LINEPLAYS]
PACK YOUR GRIP
TAKIN' YOU ON A TRIP
AIN'T NO SEATS
ALL WE GOT'S HANDS AND FEET
LEAVE YOUR WORRIES BEHIND
COME RAIN OR SHINE
DON'T MIND
WE'RE RIDIN' ON THE GROOVE LINE
WHOO-HOO! TONIGHT
HOO HOO
GET THE STRENGTH
KNOW YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU CAME
HIT THE TRACK
PARTY HARD THERE AND BACK
LEAVE YOUR WORRIES BEHIND
COME RAIN OR SHINE
DON'T MIND
WE'RE RIDIN' ON THE GROOVE LINE
TONIGHT
HOO HOO
CHECK OUT THE WHEELS ARE BURNIN'
OOH WHEE OOH
YA KNOW WE DON'T STOP
WE GOT THE BOILER BURNIN'
OOH WHEE OOH
WE'RE KEEPIN' IT HOT
SO GRAB YOUR FRIENDS
GET TO SAY COMIN' THROUGH
CLIMB ON BOARD
WHERE YOU LEAVE UP TO YOU
LEAVE YOUR WORRIES BEHI
COME RAIN OR SHINE
I LOVE YOU, NICK!
WE'RE RIDIN' ON THE GROOVE LINE
TONIGHT
HOO HOO
O-OK, ALL RIGHT, MR. ANDOPOLIS.
IT'S TIME TO CLEAR THE FLOOR FOR THE NEXT CONTESTANT.
YES! HOO HOO
[APPLAUSE]
NICK, YOU WERE SO GREAT!
OH, MY GOD, YOU ARE GONNA WIN FOR SURE.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'D LIKE YOU TO ALL PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR THE MAGICAL DISCO STYLINGS OF...
EUGENE.
HOO HOO
CHECK OUT THE WHEELS ARE BURNIN'
OOH WHEE OOH
YOU KNOW WE WON'T STOP
WE GOT THE BOILER BURNIN'
OOH WHOO OOH
WE'RE KEEPIN' IT HOT
SO GRAB YOUR FRIENDS
WHAT THE HECK? THEY DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU WERE ALLOWED TO DO MAGIC!
WHERE YOU LEAVE'S UP TO YOU
LEAVE YOUR WORRIES BEHIND
COME RAIN OR SHINE
WOW. HE'S REALLY GOOD.
WE'RE RIDIN' ON THE GROOVE LINE
TONIGHT
HOO HOO
COME RAIN OR SHINE
DON'T MIND
WE'RE RIDIN' ON THE GROOVE LINE
TONIGHT...
GREETINGS, PRINCESS.
IT IS I, CARLOS THE DWARF.
THE DRAGON HAS BEEN SLAIN,
AND YOU'RE FREE TO RULE YOUR KINGDOM.
CONGRATULATIONS, DANIEL.
YOU JUST FINISHED YOUR FIRST DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS CAMPAIGN.
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT!
THANKS, GUYS.
HEY...THIS IS REALLY FUN.
YOU GUYS WANNA DO THIS TOMORROW NIGHT?
YEAH. SURE.
I WOULD,
BUT HARRIS KILLED ME AGAIN.
YOU HAD IT COMING, BILL.
WELL, KICK HIS ASS TOMORROW NIGHT, BILL.
JUST LEAVE IT TO CARLOS.
YEAH.
M GONNA GET ANOTHER DRINK. YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING?
NO.
GORDON, BILL? ALL RIGHT.
WOW, HE'S COOL.
YEAH.
DOES...HIM WANTING TO PLAY WITH US AGAIN
MEAN THAT HE'S... TURNING INTO A GEEK...
OR WE'RE TURNING INTO COOL GUYS?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I'M GONNA GO FOR US BEING COOL GUYS.
YEAH, I'LL BUY THAT.
YEAH. DEFINITELY COOL GUYS.
COOL.
OH, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT US
TO DRIVE YOU TO U. OF M.?
WE DON'T MIND.
NO, MOM, IT'S OK. I'D KINDA LIKE TO DO THIS,
YOU KNOW, GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT BEFORE I GET THERE.
OK. I UNDERSTAND. OH!
WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU!
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOURSELF A GREAT TIME.
YEAH, YOU GO AND MAKE THE WEIRS PROUD.
BE SMARTER THAN ALL OSE OTHER KIDS.
DAD! HAROLD...
HAVE A NICE TIME, LINDSAY.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
THANKS, SAM.
COME ON. I'M ONLY GOING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M GONE.
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
SEE YOU.
BYE, DAD.
NO, NO, NO! LINDSAY, LINDSAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
HI. I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
IT'S CHOCOLATES FOR A SWEET TRIP.
YEAH, WE ALWAYS GIVE MY GRANDMA CHOCOLATES
WHEN WE PUT HER ON THE BUS.
THAT, AND WE PIN HER NAME AND ADDRESS ON HER JACKET
IN CASE SHE GETS LOST.
THANKS, NEAL.
IT'S NICE.
BYE, BILL.
HEY, HE DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING!
OH. THAT'S JUST FOR COMIN' DOWN.
IT DIDN'T COST ME A CENT.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU.
OK, HONEY, WE'LL SEE YOU. BYE, LINDSAY.
HEY, MOM.
YES, SWEETIE?
I'LL SEE YOU SOON.
OK, HONEY.
OK. LOVE YOU.
I MISS YOU ALREADY!
IF MY WORDS DID GLOW
WITH THE COLD WARM OF SUNSHINE
AND MY TUNES WERE PLAYED
ON THE FARM ON THE STRUM
WOULD YOU HEAR MY VOICE
COME THROUGH THE MUSIC?
WOULD YOU HOLD IT NEAR
AS IT GREW YEAR-ROUND?
IT'S A HAND ME DOWN
BUT THOUGHTS ARE BROKEN
PERHAPS
THEY'RE BETTER
LEFT UNSUNG
I DON'T KNOW
DON'T REALLY CARE
LET THERE BE SONGS
TO FILL THE AIR
RIPPLES IN
STILL WATER
WHEN THERE IS NO APPLE TOSS
NOR WIND TO BLOW
REACH OUT YOUR HAND
IF YOUR CUP BE EMPTY
IF YOUR CUP IS FULL
MAY IT BE AGAIN
LET IT BE KNOWN
THERE IS A FOUNTAIN
THAT WAS NOT MADE
BY THE HANDS OF MEN
LA DEE DA DA DA
LA DA DA DA DA
LA DA DA...